Amateur Diaries Part 2

It was another battle with Josh.   I really really did not want to lose my battle against Josh.  I was worried if I lost he would post on his Facebook wall that he defeated the “Young Buck” or something along those lines.

I AM NOT THE YOUNG BUCK!

But as the match progressed I was having a hard time staying focused.

I was lost in my thoughts.  “Did Ronald Reagan lose his mind?”  “Did The Press crucify Bill Clinton too much?”  “Is the Military-Industrial Complex a real thing?”   “Will I ever find true love?”

I am missing balls in the net.    ZING! ZANG! WHOMP!    “Ace!” Josh yells out in his annoying voice.

I gotta keep it together.

I see a chipmunk find a nut next to the court.  I am completely lost in contemplation.  I wonder if that chipmunk has a family.   Do they love each other the same as us humans?

“Ace!” Josh yells out.

Damn.  I am getting spanked.

A beautiful lady walks by.  I lose it.   There are just too many distractions.  “Is that a single lady?” “Will she by my wife?”

Why do women always wear their sexy clothes to work out in?

“ACE!”  Josh’s serve flies past my racquet.

Man, this is just like that movie, Wimbledon, everything is happening kind of cheesy and I don’t even get to sleep with Kirsten Dunst!   Damn.   I really do not want Josh to post on Facebook about defeating me.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

The Leader (August 4th) (He leads People)

“I have an announcement.”

The people were excited.   “Oh boy an announcement!”

“I have decided on an important decision using my decisiveness.”   The leader said.

A man in the audience stared with fervent passion.  “Of course great leader!”

The leader continued.  “All marriages are now dissolved.   They are no more.   If you have joined us as a married couple, then you are no longer married.  It is done.”

“YES GREAT LEADER!”  People shouted.

One man named George had a frown on his face.  He did not look happy about this news.

The Leader continued.  “And now I have a new announcement.   As of this moment I am the only husband.  All women who were married and then single are now married to me.   Welcome to the marriage!”

“YES GREAT LEADER!”   One woman yelled out.

Another lady in the crowd named Carina did not look happy at this announcement.

The leader looked on at his followers.  “I look forward to the official and gigantic consummation.”

Lizard People?

Who are the world’s leaders?

Are they humans who have climbed the political ladder?

Or are they Lizard people?

“Reptilians (also called reptoids,[1] reptiloids, saurians, or Draconians) are purported reptilian humanoids that play a prominent role in fantasy, science fiction, ufology, and conspiracy theories.[2][3] The idea of reptilians on Earth was popularized by David Icke, a conspiracy theorist who claims shape-shifting reptilian aliens control Earth by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies. Icke has claimed on multiple occasions that many of the world leaders are, or are possessed by, so-called reptilians.” -Wikipedia

The correct term is “Reptilians”

According to David Icke; he was once a Footballer and then a Sports Journalist; he met a psychic and this psychic claimed he was a new Jesus Christ!   He became ridiculed because he was confident that he was the new messiah.  But then he got busy!  He got busy writing books!

“The Biggest Secret: The Book That Will Change The World”

and also: “Human Race Get Off Your Knees: The Lion Sleeps No More”     Those are a couple of his books

David Icke pushes that: 1) the world is run by Reptilians 2) The Moon is a hollowed-out Planetoid 3) It’s all part of an evil conspiracy-Rothschild-Illuminati kind of deal where the Reptilians want to take over the world

According to Vice News, this guy has sold “20 million” copies of his books and he gives lectures to crowds of 6,000 people.  People believe this guy.

You can decide for yourself.   But ask yourself.  Are Humans running the world?  OR is the world being controlled by Lizard people?

-DJ Robo Biscuit

(Sunday May 1st 2016)

 

 

Noodle World (Cereal)(March 20)

John Every walked through the supermarket.

He reached the breakfast section.     His eyes stopped on a cereal box with a picture of the Holy being itself, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, on the cover.    The Noodle Diety had many noodles touching chocolate balls on the cover (these balls were in a bowl of milk).

John read the name, “Noodle-O’s.”   He then read the slogan at the bottom, “All touched by His Noodle.”

John shook his head.

John Every looked around the breakfast section.  It appeared that almost all of the cereal boxes had a Noodle Monster on it.     Except for one solitary box in the corner … … …

-End of Entry (Cereal)

The Gathering (March 16th) (Noodle)

John sat in the basement.  Many people were excited.

A man with white hair and wild eyes was at the podium.  He was ready to address the crowd.

“This world is a complicated place.   There are many people around.   Some are more pure than others.   But we must think about the future!”

John wasn’t sure where this rhetoric was going.

“In order for the purity of this race to maintain we must be able to plan.   The act of Love must not be taken lightly!   There is a consequence!  There is the continuation of life!”

“Only the CHOSEN among us may be the Seed-Bearers.    A Birther can handle the seed of anyone.  However, we do not want the seeds of the tainted to enter the Birther and pollute this world!   Being a Seed-Bearer is the highest honor and it must be respected so we can maintain purity!”

Some of the men in the crowd were intense with their eyes.  You could see they deeply wanted to be the Seed-Bearers.  There were some other men at the gathering, men of a dark skin who did not look as happy.

The White-haired man continued.  “We are under attack from all sides!  As a people we must be strong!  And the people that come after us must be strong!  They must be a pure people!”         There were men in the crowd who nodded in agreement.    The men with dark complexion were not happy.

John Every thought within his mind, “I don’t know if this is the right place for me … ”

John slowly exited the basement.  He could see that some of those men were ready to listen to the White-Haired man (no matter what he said).

-End of Entry (Gathering)

Working with Marko (March 16th)(Milk)

John Every worked with a man named Marko.   Marko was a handsome man and he had dark hair.   Sometimes Marko liked to discuss his cuban heritage (John did not care).

They worked in a nice establishment.   They both had the same manager and there was a refrigerator.   Within this refrigerator there was a supply of milk.    The milk was for the organization.

All employees were allowed ONE item of milk per day.  It was company policy.

Marko enjoyed drinking milk.  He also liked stealing milk from the refrigerator.

John had witnessed this before.  John usually did not mind BUT one time Marko stole some of John’s milk.    … … No.    John thought in his head, “No.”

John Every told the manager.    The manager looked on the company video log (there was a surveillance camera aimed at the refrigerator).       The cameras showed 16 times that Marko had stolen milk from the refrigerator.

The manager called Marko into his office.

“Marko, we have proof of you stealing milk.”  He showed Marko all of the footage.  “Marko, that is clearly you.   This goes against company policy.   I will either terminate you at the end of the day or you can choose to resign with dignity.”

Marko walked out of the office.  He was embarrassed.  He wrote down a note and gave it to the manager.  Marko then collected his things and left the organization.

The manager announced to all workers that Marko had quit.  He read the note:  “It seems to me that working at this establishment was simply Not The Noodle’s plan.  The almighty Noodle has sent me a sign.  I am quitting today and moving on with my career.  Sincerely, Marko.”

John was somewhat confused.  He witnessed Marko stealing the milk.  He had a feeling his manager gave Marko the option of quitting.   John just did not think the Holy Noodle was involved at all in this scenario … …

-End of Entry (Rationalization)

More Noodle World (March 12)

John Every left the sermon feeling excited and somewhat confused.  John could tell that Pastafarianism was a strange religion but it seemed that Christianity had some strangeness to it as well.

“I want to have some faith but I don’t want to be a crazy person.” John exclaimed.

He sighed.  He had to mentally prepare himself for work on Monday.

In recent news, Tina Creation did not have to prepare for work on Monday.  Tina Creation was excited.  She was putting on a nice dress as she was going to “make an appearance” at a Dinner.   Tina looked at herself in the mirror, she wanted to be sure that her oversize butt was obviously noticeable within her dress.

Tina sighed. “Making these appearances is tough but somebody has to do it.”

Tina looked in the mirror some more.  She made a variety of faces at herself in preparation for many photos, any of them could end up on the cover of a Magazine seen on a rack in a grocery store check-out aisle.

Sometimes Tina talked to herself.  “I bet if I just did SOMETHING I could get onto more magazines.   And I don’t know if I’m on TV enough…”

Tina had recently been having a very public romance with rapper/artist Dante South.  He was usually in the news and his relationship with Tina had been mutually beneficial.

Tina’s phone was buzzing.  It was her agent.  She picked up.

“Hey Tina.  Me, Andre.  Have you ever considered making a sex tape?” … … …

-End of Entry, Noodle World (fame)

The Story of Noodle World (Compilation)

Entry #1

The young couple entered the place of worship. They saw high ceilings and wooden pews. There were old people walking around slowly. As John Every looked up at the glass paned windows his brow crumpled slightly. On the glass panes was a beautiful design which had dated back for centuries: The Flying Spaghetti Monster. There it was in all of its magnificence. The Noodles. The Meatballs. The Eyes.

The elderly entered the ancient wooden doors. There was a tiny bowl of marinara sauce next to the door. The old women reached down two fingers, dipped them into the marinara sauce, and began her homage. She made it look as her two fingers were stirring a pot of spaghetti and then placed the marinara sauce into her mouth. She then looked up to the Carbohydrate Monster on the window: “R’amen,” she spoke in a soft voice.

John Every and his girlfriend walked through the old cathedral. They walked over to a piece of art that the elderly were crowding around. There was an art structure on display. There were pirate statues. There were Sun-beings. There were normal folk. All of whom, were being touched, by His Noodle Appendage. The elderly looked upon the tribute with respect.

The young couple walked into the cemetery next to the cathedral. Each grave plot had a Death-rock with a small design of The Flying Spaghetti Monster on it. Usually the Death-rocks had words on them. “She was a kind woman.” “This man lived a life.” “This man and his mistresses met a swift death.” “She was TRULY touched by His Noodle.” There was a grieving family placing a small bowl of plain pasta next to one of the Death-rocks.

“Touching,” said Virginia-Mary (John Every’s girlfriend).

“You know, sometimes I get the feeling that things shouldn’t be this way. Shouldn’t there be a nicer way of saying it than ‘Death-rock?’ And shouldn’t there be a higher moral to live up to than this pasta monster?” John whispered to Virginia-Mary.

“Don’t be so offensive John. This is a cemetery.” Virginia-Mary chided John.

— End of Entry One, DJ RoboBiscuit

Noodle World Entry #2

Pastafarians celebrate every Friday as a Holy Day.

John enjoyed his Thursday. The day was pleasant. John had some delicious Hibachi shrimp at lunch time and he devoured a succulent lamb kebab at dinner. Thursday was not a perfect day. While eating his Hibachi Shrimp at Speedy Japan (the quick japanese food in the strip mall) he was uncomfortable with the wall decor. There was a poster on the wall of a stout Asian man fishing in a small river with bamboo surrounding him (which John expected from a Japanese restaurant). However, next to the eastern influenced poster, there was a representation of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The Pasta Deity had one of his noodles around a samurai sword and at the bottom of the poster it read “HE is with Japan.”

John thought to himself, “This seems offensive to me. Shouldn’t the people of Japan have some kind of native beliefs?”

After a night of sleeping the day had become Friday. Many people were wearing their colanders. John usually did not wear a pasta strainer on his head. He personally thought it was “a little odd.”

He was having a hard time deciding on his Friday Lunch. As John drove down the road he thought, “Maybe a chicken sandwich.” He happened to be driving on BlackBeard Road which John remembered had a Chicken Phils. He became excited as he got closer, imagining the delicious taste of that savory chicken sandwich in his mouth (maybe even with a Phd Pepper [a sweet soft drink]).

As his car came upon the Chicken Restaurant, his heart dropped upon seeing the store lights were not on. “Damn! It’s Friday. Why would a fast casual restaurant see a need to close every Friday?! Don’t they know I want to eat their chicken?!” John was not happy.

As he drove to BeauJanes (another chicken restaurant) John thought questioning thoughts over the influence that religion should have over business … …

-End of Entry Number 2, Noodle World, DJ Robo Biscuit.

Noodle World Entry #3

(Slam Dunk, Basketball)

“Oh yeah! Big Dunk from B.J Besley!” The commentator was excited.

Besley, a tall african american male, made a circular motion with his index and middle finger.

“Besley! Stirring the pot!”

“Cooking up some pasta!” The commentators maintained their excitement.

Besley made some motions with his hands as if to open up an imaginary can …

“Oh My Noodle! Besley is opening a can of sauce!”

“Right you are Jim! Could be Marinara! He is adding the sauce into the noodles!”

“And he is stirring it up!”

“Showing some good respect to the church.”

B.J Besley reaches into his jersey and pulls out his chain, then he kisses it. On the end of the chain is a small, golden Noodle Monster.

“He’s a religious man alright! Without a doubt Besley is an individual who has indeed been touched by His Noodle.”

“So talented. The power of carbs definitely flows through his veins!”

“R’amen Jim. R’amen.”

John Every was watching the basketball game on his home television. He shook his head.

— End of Entry #3, Noodle World, DJ Robo Biscuit

Entry #4

I just don’t know man, I am having doubts… …

It seems hard to believe that this Noodle Monster is the creator!!! I just don’t feel that there is a connection between Pirates and Global warming. How do people know that it isn’t just a normally occurring phenomena?

Nobody feels weird about this? They don’t think that it’s odd for us to worship a Noodle Monster???

Wouldn’t it make more sense for our Diety to be … I don’t know … a man?

“Woah man, you are sounding kind of crazy.”

Wouldn’t a powerful god create man in his image? Why would a Gigantic Spaghetti Monster create human beings?

I know it’s the popular religion …. … but but but maybe there is an alternative?

I may consider seeking out a cult.

“Woah my man, I am a little bit worried about you.”

-End of Entry. (Doubt)

Entry #5

White male. Brown Beard. Brown hair. He wore a white robe. Sandals. His face was calm.

The hairy white male scanned the smooth lake surface. He slowly closed his eyes … … held them closed for 5 seconds and then opened them. He placed his right foot forward.

On the other side of the lake, their was a pirate. He was a smelly pirate and he had a beard. This pirate wore black boots and looked like a smelly pirate. This pirate enjoyed drinking Rum. His name was Smelly Alfredo.

Smelly Alfredo looked out towards the lake. There was a man. Smelly Alfredo saw this man.

“Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr unbelievable. He be walking on the water.” Alfredo slurred his words.

The robed man with a beard was standing in the middle of the lake. His feet were firmly on the top of the lake surface. It appeared to be a miracle.

Smelly Alfredo reached into his Pirate Satchel (the official carrying sack of Pirate) and grabbed his Colander (Pasta Strainer). He placed the pasta device on his head. The colander infused him with Noodle Strength. As Smelly Alfredo looked out onto the Lake he could see that the white-bearded-man was being held above the water by a large Noodle. The Noodle was wrapped around his waist and the Noodley Noodle stretched up into the clouds.

“This man has been blessed by His Noodle.” Smelly Alfredo removed his colander and went back to sleep to dream Pirate dreams. “R’amen.”

-End of Entry, (Blasphemy).

Entry #6

The scholar sat in his chair. He was old and his eyes were deep. They were the eyes of knowledge and these eyes were a piercing green.

“There was a time when this world was not this way. People did not flock to the temples of Hubbard. His Noodle was not The Noodle. The happenings have been bizarre.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things were different. The Gods were different and the numbers were bigger. If you wanted to follow Jesus you didn’t have to do it in secret. But things changed within this world. Something happened.”

“But what is it? What happened?”

“It was the people. And the Young People. They rejected the religions. They thought they had outsmarted it.”

-End of Entry

Entry #7

John Every entered the basement. It was noisy. People were talking.

There was a man in the front of the room prepping for his presentation. He was wearing a robe and a fancy hat.

As John looked around the room he noticed a curiosity in the eyes of the people. He could see they were hungry for something and they seemed to have a fervent social desire. He sensed their desire for connection. It was in their eyes. Their eyes. They wanted … something.

John had a seat. He noticed there was a lower case letter “T” on the wall.

The robed man faced the crowd and began his talk.

“I thank you all for coming. We know why we are here in this place. This world is lacking faith … ”

The man in the robes began his talk.

“I say Hallelujah! I say Hallelujah!”

“You people, you need something! Something real! Something that is strong that you can feel!”

John Every looked around the room. He saw twinkles in the eyes of the gathered people.

“People are not happy! We are living in a Devil’s World! I feel sorry for the sinners out there! And I have compassion for the sinners in here! For we all have some sin!”

“The people of this world, they have betrayed the Lord! I’m talking about the almighty GOD! I’m talking about Jesus Christ!”

“How could they give up on our Lord and Savior? How could they accept a Monster made of Noodles?”

“It goes back to Nietzsche. We know the tale of the Madman. ‘God is dead. And we have killed him.’ That is what it was. It was Man. It was our Minds!”

“The people of this world. They thought they could outTHINK God! They thought they could use Logic and Reason to prove him not there. But let me tell you something, He is Real! I Believe! I can FEEL him! God is all-knowing and all-seeing! They thought they could hide from him and join forces with a Pasta Monster BUT I SAY NO!”

The people were cheering.

“You are on the path to salvation! You are on the true path!”

“And we will NOT engage in pre-marital sex! It is frowned upon by The Lord!”

John Every was enjoying the spirituality of this Christianity. But he felt uneasy about letting his belief have control over his sex life.

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT

That is the tale so far.  The story of Noodle World will continue.   If you enjoyed the story, please share it.

 

Noodle World – Entry 14 (Deep Part 2)

The man in the robes began his talk.

“I say Hallelujah!  I say Hallelujah!”

“You people, you need something!  Something real!  Something that is strong that you can feel!”

John Every looked around the room.  He saw twinkles in the eyes of the gathered people.

“People are not happy!  We are living in a Devil’s World!  I feel sorry for the sinners out there!   And I have compassion for the sinners in here! For we all have some sin!”

“The people of this world, they have betrayed the Lord!  I’m talking about the almighty GOD!  I’m talking about Jesus Christ!”

“How could they give up on our Lord and Savior?  How could they accept a Monster made of Noodles?”

“It goes back to Nietzsche.    We know the tale of the Madman. ‘God is dead. And we have killed him.’   That is what it was.   It was Man.  It was our Minds!”

“The people of this world.  They thought they could outTHINK God!   They thought they could use Logic and Reason to prove him not there.    But let me tell you something, He is Real!   I Believe!   I can FEEL him!   God is all-knowing and all-seeing!    They thought they could hide from him and join forces with a Pasta Monster BUT I SAY NO!”

The people were cheering.

“You are on the path to salvation!  You are on the true path!”

“And we will NOT engage in pre-marital sex!  It is frowned upon by The Lord!”

John Every was enjoying the spirituality of this Christianity.  But he felt uneasy about letting his belief have control over his sex life.

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Noodle World — Mysterious Entry

 

The scholar sat in his chair.   He was old and his eyes were deep.  They were the eyes of knowledge and these eyes were a piercing green.

“There was a time when this world was not this way.  People did not flock to the temples of Hubbard.     His Noodle was not The Noodle.    The happenings have been bizarre.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things were different.   The Gods were different and the numbers were bigger.  If you wanted to follow Jesus you didn’t have to do it in secret.   But things changed within this world.   Something happened.”

“But what is it?  What happened?”

“It was the people.  And the Young People.  They rejected the religions.   They thought they had outsmarted it.”

 

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT