Noodle Tale (March 9)

“Who will offer the sacrifice?”

A man stepped forward.  “I will.”  He lifted his arms and offered his baby.

“Your heir.  A bold choice.” The leader intoned.

“I do it for the good of our people.” Said the Father.

“You are wise beyond your years man-who-offers-sacrifice.”

The father continued to hold the baby offered to the leader.

The leader looked to his people.

“It has been many moons since our last sacrifice.  Our Noodle Master has been upset.  As we have seen, he used his Noodle powers to drown Alexandra in the lake.  He also used his Noodle powers to drive elder Joe insane.  Why else would elder Joe go into that forest and confront the great black bear?  With this sacrifice, we shall appease the bloodlust of our Noodle Master.  This blood sacrifice will keep us safe for the next Moons to come.  NOODLE MASTER!  ACCEPT THIS OFFERING!”

The leader reached and grabbed the baby.  He grabbed the baby by the head and slammed the small creature into the stone floor with his full might.  The baby was dead upon contact.

A single tear flowed the father’s face.

The leader looked at the brave father.  “Your sacrifice is not in vain.  The Holy Noodle is a fair God indeed.”

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Noodle World Cereal Part 2

Jon Every found the box of cereal.

This cereal box did not have a Noodle Monster touching balls in milk.

It was a cereal box that had a picture of a man on it.  A man with a brown beard and brown hair.  His arms were spread wide and his face was calm.

“Interesting.” Said Jon Every.  “This box is so different from the other boxes.”

He thought it was so odd to see a human man making gestures with food.  He was so used to seeing only the Holy Noodle touch balls with His mighty appendages.

“The cult of Christianity must be gaining more followers than I thought.”  Said Jon.

A young boy ran up close and pointed at the cereal box with Jesus on it.  “Mom look!  There is a white man on this box!”

The mom moved quickly and grabbed her son.  “Don’t look at that vile thing Billy!  That white demon is a desecration to the Noodle that we hold sacred.”

The mom and young boy moved away.

Jon Every thought out loud, “This world is becoming stranger everyday.”

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Noodle World – The Panel

The supporter was a middle aged woman and she was from the middle part of the nation.  “Those comments did not bother me.  I have heard men say things that are much worse.”

The nice lady on television responded:  “Mr Krump did say that he liked to snatch women in the vagina.”

The supporter was getting a little perturbed:  “That is nothing!  Men say things that are worse than that all the time!  Also, I am confident that he would have not said that if he knew he was being recorded and the recording would be released to the nation!”

The nice lady on television continues to listen.

The supporter continues:  “Look that is not the real issue.  In the debate they laid out their positions.  They reached down and drew a line in the sand.  We now know that Krump cares about our security and making the nation great again.  We know that Jillary Banton likes to cut up fetus’s.  Oh yes!”

The nice television lady could not take it.  “Okay Tina.  We are not talking about policies we need to talk about is it appropriate for a leader to speak this way.”

The supporter resumed her words:  “It was a mistake.  It was a mistake.  But that was in the past and we can move on from that.  Look Look Look.  This is part of the Holy Noodle’s plan.  It’s part of the plan.  The Noodle has chosen this man and we can use this man.  Don’t you see?”

The dark skinned man on the panel voiced his opinion:  “This is not about religion.  This is about our future leader.  And it is not right for him to be saying things like this.”

The supporter was angered:  “When Mr Banton was doing his thing, my kids that it was called the anal office!  I can’t see why you can’t see this is part of the Noodle’s plan!  Clearly Krump has been touched by the Noodle and he will lead us!  You must be in one of those cults!  The one with that bearded man and the cross!  You people make me sick!”

The nice television lady cut in:  “We have run out of time.  Lets cut to commercial!”

The screen goes black.

 

-End of Entry, December 22nd.  Based on a true story.

Noodle World (Cross Burning)

There were reports in the news of burnings.   Fringe groups were burning pieces of wood that looked like lower case “T.”  Members of the mass public were concerned.   There were these white people who were taking fire and burning the wood.  There were reporters who traveled to see the burnings of the lower case “t” and they talked to the white men who burned them.

“We are burning these crosses for Jesus Christ.  Jesus died for our sins and we are burning this cross.  We also hate black people and Jewish people.”  Spoke a T-Burner.

The reporters were often shocked from the language and the hate speech.  It was not a large concern of the public since Christianity was a cult.

“The White race is the superior race.  We do not want to associate with the other mud races.  And of course the Noodle in the Sky is a false god.”  Spoke an Elderly White Man.

John Every was sitting in a pub and watching the news.  He listened to some men nearby “What a ridiculous religion.  Can you believe these cults?”

“Indeed.  It is absurd they believe there is a white man in the sky who is all-powerful and he hates the Jewish people and the people with the dark skin?  What rubbish.  These men must not have been touched by His Almighty Noodle.”

“If any thing, these men were touched by the Wooden Spoon of the Dark Lord.”

The men continued to exchange words and make fun of the silly cult on television.

“Let’s return home.  It is Thursday.  I hope my lovely wife has prepared the sacred meatballs.”

“Yes Yes my good man I love to eat the balls.”

As the two men left the pub, John Every was sitting and contemplating which God was the “true” God.

Noodle World (Cereal)(March 20)

John Every walked through the supermarket.

He reached the breakfast section.     His eyes stopped on a cereal box with a picture of the Holy being itself, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, on the cover.    The Noodle Diety had many noodles touching chocolate balls on the cover (these balls were in a bowl of milk).

John read the name, “Noodle-O’s.”   He then read the slogan at the bottom, “All touched by His Noodle.”

John shook his head.

John Every looked around the breakfast section.  It appeared that almost all of the cereal boxes had a Noodle Monster on it.     Except for one solitary box in the corner … … …

-End of Entry (Cereal)

Things that are Awesome (March 7th)(Mon)

DJ ROBO BISCUIT letting the people know things that are awesome.

Thing number one: Star Wars Clone Wars (Genndy Tartakovsky) General Grievous vs Jedi (HIGH level of awesome on this one.  Completely over the top fight with coolness to the Max!)

Thing number two: Rick and Morty.  The show is a work of brilliance.  If you appreciate science fiction then this is a fantastic show!

Thing number three: Fabrice Santoro.  Santoro was a professional tennis player and people called him “The Magician.”  He had a two-handed forehand slice and he would cut players to death.  Marat Safin said that seeing your name in the draw next to his was like being told “you were about to die.”

Thing number four:  Minato vs Tobi.  The Fourth Hokage faces off against the Masked Man in a fast and epic fight.  The battle truly pays respect to the speed of Ninja fights (and of course, to The Yellow Flash)

Thing number five: David Foster Wallace.  DFW is awesome.  A modern writer who was a genius of his craft.  Truly sad that he lost his life to depression (suicide).  Check out “Infinite Jest” or his movie “The End of the Tour.”

Thing number six: Noodle World by DJ ROBO BISCUIT.  It is a rising star and beautiful display of satire.