Metrics Monsters and Double Cups

It was raining.  The parking lot had cars.  White cars red cars gray cars black cars.  Past this lot is another lot.  Our building is brick and across the lot is another brick building and across from that is another brick building.  Money is made in these buildings.  On this day it was raining.

The nice lady with the long hair walked into the ladies room.  She sat on the toilet and cried quietly.  It was 9:30 and she was worried.  The Metric had been pushed up.   She was ready to work when she walked in this morning.  But her manager had sent out an email.  The email was demanding. “There shall be NO TALKING.” “We need 75+ calls today.”  The email was an angry email and a little bit nasty.  The manager who sent the email had just left a meeting where her manager was not happy with her.   The power of the trickle down.   The previous day there was a manager for the managers and when this manager of managers was leaving the office he saw two workers who were talking and laughing.  Keep in mind, this talking and laughing was on company time.  These people are not paid to be social and happy.  They are paid to work! and produce! and create profit!  The boss needs a dollar and you need your dime!

Some walk over to the coffee machine.  They are dismayed as they move towards the machine.  The machine has been moved.  It is now off of its table and in three pieces.  There is a man who is scruffy with a blonde mustache and he is guffawing and huffing as he bends and turns and moves things and stares at the machine.  He is the repairman.  His butt is slightly revealed as he bends down which is of course a stereotype of repairman and is being used by the author of this story right now.  The workers of the company who must make their calls to hit their quotas walk to the cooler to get a Coca-Cola.  The cooler has recently increased in size which must mean that profits are increasing.   The company is only slightly happy.  There is movement.  Some workers are fired after 3 months.  Some don’t make it past 2 months.  They fire 2.  They hire 6.  They fire 1 of the new ones.  One of the new 6 also quits.  The profits are real and the Soda cooler grows in size.  The workers of the calls need their soda pop in order to caffeine up and seize the day.  If the 75 calls is not met by the end of the day, things will not be good on the next day.  The manager of manager will notice on his screen and most likely send out an email to the manager of the workers.  The manager of the call-makers will ask them “are you pushing yourself?  Are you reaching your potential?  Are you having success?”

The workers could answer the question.  But the answer is not that important.  After they answer, the manager of the call-makers will let them know that their previous effort was not satisfactory to the upper ups.  The calls must be hit or their will be consequences.  It is veiled what the consequence will be.  Is it a firing?  Is it a termination?  The workers who make the calls or only cogs in the machine.  They are bags of meat which pick up the phone and dial.  Although it might seem that these cogs are humans who have a wife and a daughter and a dog and house and a car; that is not the way it is because these lazy workers are not hitting their metrics so they must go.

The crying lady is on her terminal.  She is ready to make many calls.   She does not want the receivers to answer because she wants speed!  She wants her speed and she wants to call the same number twice!  Then she will have two calls on one account and if she can find 32 accounts where she can make two calls then it will be easy for her to hit her goal.  But she knows every call needs an email but she can not do that because it will take too long for her to send a personal email.   She looks around.  Everyone is on the phone.  She is not on the phone.  She must get on the phone.

She receives a badly written email that is double annoying for her as she has a college degree and worked hard in English classes.   “Howw Bad Do U want it?  Persisstence iz the key to success you must succeed or you are lazy.  Be ambitions and jack up your amazingness.  Hit the sales numbers and you can keep your job.  Congrats to you what a privvilige and honor for u the worker!  Bee The Best and now if your time of GrReatness.” Love, Big Manager of Managers.

The once-crying lady dies a tiny bit inside and prepares herself to make her calls.  She has bills to pay and needs to keep her job.