Amateur Diaries Part 2

It was another battle with Josh.   I really really did not want to lose my battle against Josh.  I was worried if I lost he would post on his Facebook wall that he defeated the “Young Buck” or something along those lines.

I AM NOT THE YOUNG BUCK!

But as the match progressed I was having a hard time staying focused.

I was lost in my thoughts.  “Did Ronald Reagan lose his mind?”  “Did The Press crucify Bill Clinton too much?”  “Is the Military-Industrial Complex a real thing?”   “Will I ever find true love?”

I am missing balls in the net.    ZING! ZANG! WHOMP!    “Ace!” Josh yells out in his annoying voice.

I gotta keep it together.

I see a chipmunk find a nut next to the court.  I am completely lost in contemplation.  I wonder if that chipmunk has a family.   Do they love each other the same as us humans?

“Ace!” Josh yells out.

Damn.  I am getting spanked.

A beautiful lady walks by.  I lose it.   There are just too many distractions.  “Is that a single lady?” “Will she by my wife?”

Why do women always wear their sexy clothes to work out in?

“ACE!”  Josh’s serve flies past my racquet.

Man, this is just like that movie, Wimbledon, everything is happening kind of cheesy and I don’t even get to sleep with Kirsten Dunst!   Damn.   I really do not want Josh to post on Facebook about defeating me.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Eyes On The Prize, Man’s Demise

“The Boobs were just too much for me!”

That was what I was thinking.  I was playing my match on court 7 and we had some spectators!  Sometimes I was watching the spectators more than they were watching me.

We were having a heated battle on court.   I was playing my arch-rival, Fred.   I REALLY did not want to lose to Fred.  I had a very strong feeling that if Fred were to defeat me he would take a photo and post it to Instagram and then he might also tag me on his Facebook.   I could not let this happen.

He served.  I returned.  He hit his forehand.  I stepped in and really nailed my backhand down-the-line.   Fred let out a lame grunt “ugh!” and Fred missed.   “Nice point ME!”  I say in my head.

A beautiful lady walks by.   She is wearing yoga pants and a blue top.  There is a nice bounce to her.  She has brown hair.   I begin to imagine me and this sexy but unknown woman together.   The ball flies past me.   “ACE!” Yells Fred.        Damnit.  I have lost my focus.

One of the girls watching me as a spectator takes off her jacket.   Her shirt is way too low cut and her nipple is making an appearance.  “Damn this is distracting.”  I think in my head.    Meanwhile the match is occurring but I am totally out of sorts.

I get my head together and get myself back into the match.   I get a little bit hot and begin to win more points.    As I am getting my rhythm a group of ladies walk by.   They are all wearing tennis clothes and had finished their match.   There was a beautiful blonde girl with bouncing hair and short spandex pants.   “Is this my future wife?   Should I play mixed doubles with her?   I wonder if we will have a family together?”   My mind was racing but I had taken my eyes off the prize.    ZING!   The ball flies past me.  “ACE!” yells Fred.

I was truly having a hard time focusing on court.  I just kept on fantasizing about these beautiful women.  It is so hard to focus on balls when you just love boobs so much.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

The Tennis Match (Amateur Diaries)

I was on court battling hard.

I just missed a backhand in the net.

I was working extra hard to defeat my opponent!  I MUST win!

It was looking like a tough match.  I had to play one of my rivals, JOSH!  I was very worried about losing.  If I lost, he was sure to post some kind of lame status on his Facebook Wall.  I could not allow that to happen.

I went to serve.  As I threw my ball up in the air, something caught my eye.  I swung and missed!

“HA HA !   Fault!” Josh yelled at me.

I looked to my left.  It was only a squirrel. Damn!  I thought extra hard inside my own mind.

I was battling hard for my points.  But Josh won the game.   We had to change sides.

“Man, I am hitting the balls great.” Said Josh.

Josh is extra annoying and he enjoys telling me how good he is at tennis.  I MUST defeat him to silence him.

We began to play points again.  I was soon to strike a backhand but then a young woman ran by the courts.  She was jogging.  I think she might have been a goddess.  She had brown hair and was in GREAT physical shape.  I could tell that she was wearing LuluLemon brand yoga pants.  I began to wonder “What is her name?”  “Is she close to my age?”

“Game.” Said Josh.

CRAP!  LuluLemon girl cost me that whole game.  I was completely out of it.  Now my whole mind was on LuluLemon.   Will she return?   Please God, I hope she is running in a circle so she shall return and see me defend my honor against the evil Josh.

(End of Entry, Tennis Diaries)