Tale: Fruit Center Support

( Imagine a Call center)

A man picks up the phone.

Service Desk Man:  Good Morning!  Thank you for calling fruit center support!  This is Phillip.  How May I help you today?

Customer: Hey Phillip!  I am using my banana here and my friend is telling me I need to get this converted over to an apple.  Can you guys do that for me?

Service Desk Man:  I’m sorry ma’am.  I am afraid that is not a feature.  We are not able to convert your banana into an apple.

Customer: Well why not?!  I want it to do this!  This is time sensitive too.  It is really important that I get this banana turned into an apple as quickly as possible!

Service Desk Man:  Are you sure that your friend was not talking about apple slices or maybe apple sauce?

Customer: Yes!  I am 100% sure!  I need this banana converted into an apple!

Service Desk Man: I’m sorry ma’am. But it is not designed to do that.  We can’t convert the banana into an apple for you.

Customer: Okay! Well then I need to speak to your manager.

(The customer gets sent over to the manager and the customer complains)

Service Desk Manager:  We are so sorry for all of the trouble ma’am.  We are going to create an escalation request for your need to convert this banana to an apple.   Someone from our team will reach out to you with the next steps.

( 4 days pass by )

ring ring ring!

Service Desk Man:  Fruit center support!  This is Phillip!

Customer:  It has been 4 days and I have not heard from anybody!  I really need your team to get this banana turned into an apple.

(The Service Desk Man reads over the notes of the Escalation ticket on his screen)

Service Desk Man: I am very sorry ma’am but based on the notes here on your escalation ticket I only have bad news.  Our team has come to the conclusion that there is no way to convert your banana into an apple.  The only workaround is to purchase an apple.

Customer (yelling):  This is crazy!  What do I even pay you guys for?!?!    (customer slams the phone down)

( Customer then sends an angry email to their fruit sales rep and the fruit sales rep apologized profusely and waved the cost of their fruit.)

END OF STORY

 

(This story is based on true events)

Feel free to share with your friends, especially any of the ones who work in call centers!

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Pokemon Red Weak Team Challenge (UPDATE MARCH)

Hello All,

My Pokemon Red challenge continues.  I have faced some difficulty as the game progresses.  My team is: Gyrados, PIGEOT, Poliwhirl, Haunter, BEEDRILL, and CHANSEY.

My team is being carried by Gyrados and PIGEOT.  they are both near Level 40. My BEE DRILL is incredibly weak and Chansey is also pretty low level.  Both near level 20.    It will take forever to level them up but I can’t beat the game only using Gyrados and PIGEOT.

Keep in mind I can’t use really good moves like: Ice beam, Thunderbolt, Psychic, Earthquake, etc etc.    Especially Ice Beam and Thunderbolt.   You can beat this game quite easily if you have like a Zapdos with Thunderbolt and a Vaporeon or Lapras or Blastoise with Ice beam.                    At the moment my team lacks any kind of power in regards to electricity or fire or grass.           G Y R A DOS has water moves like surf and bubble beam and it has Bite and Dragon Rage.   Pigeot just has normal and flying moves. Anyway, my team is quite fragile right now If I lose the two main ones then I go down pretty fast.      with Chansey, Chansey is like a “tank” so I am going to let Chansey have TOXIC and REST and seismic toss.  I’m hoping that Chansey will help give me an edge.   And I think BEE DRILL will be kind of useless.       This team was just recommended to me by a guy online when I asked for a weak team to try to beat the game with.

I recently got the EXP ALL.  That was difficult as I needed to get some more pokemon, needed 50 to get the item.  It will still take forever to level up at this speed.

So right now, I have the badge from Koga.  Need 3 more badges.   But I worry that my team will definitely be TOO WEAK by the time I get to the Elite Four.

But you know, I guess I must try!

The original recommendation was to have a Persian.  But there is no MEOWTH in Pokemon Red so I decided to go with Haunter which would help me to capture pokemon.

But of course, if people online think Haunter is too powerful I can always get a weaker pokemon.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

LIFE FIGHT (A story)

A story by DJ ROBO BISCUIT

The two office men meet each other by the water cooler.

“How is it going Bob?  You had a good night?”

“Hey Mike! Ya I sure did.  Pretty fun night. Yourself?”

“Real good.  Did you watch the fights last night?”

“Oh man!  They were crazy!  How about Jenkins?”

“That Jenkins guy is a tough S.O.B for sure!  Can’t believe he got past that other guy.”

“Oh yeah man.  That was definitely an upset for sure.  Do you think he will go all the way?”

“I don’t know mate.  The competition is pretty fierce.  Those men, they fight like animals.”

“Well they have a lot to fight for.”

“True that my friend!”

The two men separate and go back to their cubes.

 

Cage match.  The arena is is a cage match with cameras and microphones surrounding it.  The two men are on opposite sides of the cage.  They wear athletic shorts (no pockets) and nothing else.  Their hands are empty and their feet are bear.

Commentator: Alright folks We got a real nice match on our hands tonight! Omar Jenkins in the right corner.  He stands at 5 foot 10 inches tall weighing in at 180 pounds.  He killed a whole family while they slept.     In the left corner we have Andrew Rice.  He stands at 6 feet tall and 170 pounds.  Andrew strangled his boss at work and then beat him to death.

Other Commentator:  Hey man, we have all felt that way at one time or another!  And this Rice guy just had the nuts to follow through.  And here we are tonight!

Commentator:  Exactly right!  These two men are in the fight of their lives tonight!  Two men are entering the ring and only one will live.  This is Life Fight!

Ding ding ding!   (The fight starts)

Commentator:   There is the bell and the fight is on!  Both men throwing punches at each other.  I’m giving a slight edge to Jenkins, I bet he has the speed!

Other Commentator:  Bold prediction my friend.  Rice does have the height advantage in this one.

Commentator:   Boom! Jenkins delivering a strong combo to Rice’s face.  Oh and Wow!  Rice delivers a hard kick right into the groin of Jenkins.

Other Commentator:  Remember folks there are no rules so that kick was 100% legal.

Commentator:  Jenkins is the on the ground right now and it looks like Rice is moving in for the headlock.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  Saved by the bell!  That first two minutes goes by so fast.   The two fighters head back to their corners while we get a word from our sponsors!

Other Commentator: These fights have definitely been getting more popular.  I heard we were getting a look from Doritos AND Nike as well.

Commentator:  I’ll believe that when I see it.    Folks we are about to move into round 2 here, so if you have any small children watching then we just want to say that viewer discretion is advised.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  And we are back! Rice moving in, but Jenkins fending him off with a punch to the head!  He backs off and the two fighters are circling.   Oh it’s that time!  They are dropping in the weapons!   Looks like Jenkins and Rice both have grabbed short swords.

Other Commentator:  Those are extra sharp.

Commentator: Oh here we go!  Rice moving in fast with a slash.   And Jenkins parries! OH! N—

(Jenkins slices rice hard across the stomach; opening him up.  Rice has his eyes wide open as he looks down at his stomach.  Jenkins sweeps the leg, taking Rice to the ground. Rice grabs at his open stomach wound.  Jenkins brings his sword down quickly and stabs Rice through the heart).

Commentator: Wow!  Game over for Rice!  An efficient kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator:  Rest in peace to Rice!  And remember, that guy was a killer!

Commentator:   That is right! Kill or be killed in these fights!   Congrats to Omar Jenkins, he lives to fight another day!

 

(At the White House, the President gives a speech on the front lawn)

President:  Now I know there have been some complaints about the Life Fights.  But look, the people, they love them!  The ratings are going through the roof.  Millions of American are tuning in to check it out.

Reporter:  Mr. President, what about the concern many have of children watching the fights?

President:  That is a fair question.  I have already spoken with the different networks and we are going to have a TV-MA rating appear in the top left screen.  We are also making double sure that the commentators are giving fair warning that the battle could turn bloody.

Reporter:  Mr. President some of your critics have said it is truly unethical to have these men fight.  What do you say to that?

President: Unethical?  It is a ridiculous charge.  I am doing so much good.  These are men with no hope.  They are killers. I am giving them a second chance, a chance at redemption.   Win three fights and life is yours.  Never in History, has a President used the pardon so well.

Reporter:  Mr. President people around the country are becoming concerned that too many American are receiving the death penalty.  Can you comment on that?

President:  I am bringing law and order to this country.  Many of these men have made mistakes, terrible mistakes.  And I want to protect the people.  But unlike never before, these men can fight their way out.

 

(Fast Forward)

Commentator:  Alright folks! Here we are!  The deciding fight for Omar Jenkins!   We all saw him use his short sword to handle Rice.  And just two nights ago he was able to kill John Jeppers with his bare hands.   Will Omar have what it takes tonight as he takes on Nelson Minger?

Other Commentator: Nelson Minger is one tough cookie.  He had a lot of gang involvement before he robbed that bank and shot both security guards.  And he is 6 foot 3 inches tall with rumors of knowing some karate!

Commentator:  This is a huge night for the Life Fights.  The President himself is here in attendance just in case Omar Jenkins is able to win this fight.

(The two fighters battle it out and have a stalemate through the first round) 

Ding ding ding!

Commentator: Alright folks we are here in round two!  Oh, here comes the weapons!  Looks like they dropped in some small knives.   Jenkins and Minger both getting the knives.  And they are circling.

Other Commentator:  You can really feel the bloodlust in the air!

Commentator:  Oh! They are on the move! Oh looks like Minger managed to get a deep cut on Jenkins arm!  Okay and here goes Jenkins! WOAH!

(Jenkins moves in and slashes the knife hand of Minger.  It bleeds. He gets the knife out of the hand.  Jenkins get his hand around Minger’s throat.  He plunges the knife into his back and twists.  Minger’s eyes roll back into his head and he collapses on the ground)

Commentator:  Simply Amazing! Huge kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator: Such cunning to slash the hand before going for the throat!

Commentator:  Folks!  Tonight hard work is going to pay off for Omar Jenkins!

(The President of the United States moves down to the ring with heavy security presence.  He is a given a microphone)

The President:   Good Evening everyone!  We have really been treated to an impressive display tonight.  And as you all can see, these killers are some real tough folks!   First of all I want to say Congratulations to Omar Jenkins!  Omar, you are one heck of a fighter.  Second of all, I want to thank you for your work.  You have killed three inmates over the past week.  All three of those men were on death row and you have saved this country time and money with your efforts. And finally, let’s get to my part of the deal.   By the powers vested in me as President of the United States I hereby remove the death penalty from your slate.  Effective immediately.  Your punishment is now being changed to a life sentence which you may live out in luxury at the Fighters Hotel.    To those of you watching me from Prison, I say to you, train hard!

 

(End of Story)

 

 

Quote from Nietzsche about Talent

One of my favorite quotes from him about talent and hard work:

“Do not talk about giftedness, inborn talents! One can name great men of all kinds who were very little gifted. They acquired greatness, became ‘geniuses’ (as we put it), through qualities the lack of which no one who knew what they were would boast of: they all pos­sessed that seriousness of the efficient workman which first learns to con­struct the parts properly before it ventures to fashion a great whole; they allowed themselves time for it, because they took more pleasure in making the little, secondary things well than in the effect of a dazzling whole”

 

Hard work pays off!

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Lemonade Boys (Rough Draft, The Story Continues)

The King sat down with Dr. Jenkins.  “Thank you for meeting with me today Dr. Jenkins.”

“Oh no problem Johnny.” Dr Jenkins was relaxed today.  “What did you want to ask me about?”

“I have some questions about business.”

“Oh okay.  What kind of questions?”

“Well I want your advice on how to sell more of a product.  Just any kind of hypothetical simple product.”

Dr. Jenkins thought for a moment.  “Well, I think customer service can be very important.   Customers will come back if they are happy with the service.”

“Well Dr. Jenkins how do I make sure that the product itself is the best that it can be?”

Dr. Jenkins smirked, “Have you considered having the product be something that is addictive?”

The King’s eyes lit up, “Oh no I haven’t.”

Dr. Jenkins continued, “Well it is only an idea.  People know that cigarettes are bad for them but they still smoke them.  It is the nicotine in the cigarettes, it is addictive and people can’t help themselves.  They want it too badly.  So if I had a product and my main goal was to just sell as much as possible, then I would consider to make my product addictive.  If the customers have an addiction to it then they can’t help themselves and they need to buy it.”

The King had a smile on his face.  “Thank you very much Dr. Jenkins.”

(END OF POST, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Loser Guy Makes Horror Film (Documentary)

Just finished watching “AMERICAN MOVIE” and it was very good.  It is about a filmmaker named Mark and his goal is to finish his movie.

“I am a failure.” is the opening line of the movie and our main guy is Mark.  He has big dreams to make his films and he does not want to “be a nothing.”    I think he earns his money as a newspaper delivery guy.

The film is really entertaining and as it progresses you really are cheering for Mark to finish his movie and it is kind of amazing how he has so much support from the people in town.

The dialogue is funny and you really can’t make it up.   It really shows all of the difficulties involved in making a short low budget film.

It is called “American Movie” from 1999.  It is definitely worth a watch if you enjoy learning about films and you like underdogs!

(His horror movie itself is not super amazing but this documentary is really good)

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

LEMONADE BOYS (rough draft) The Story Continues, The Competition (The King and Trey)

The boys were gathered in their clubhouse.

“Well Bossman, what should we do about Trey?”  Lug spoke.

The King sat in contemplation, “Let’s give him a little time.  I want to see what he does.”

Fudge was a little jittery, “You sure you don’t want us to rough him a bit?”

“No Fudge I don’t.  We can’t stop this Trey guy with violence.  We need to make smart moves.”  The King was even in his speech.

 

A few days went by.  Lug and Fudge would periodically drive by the apple juice stand to check on Trey.  They would not speak to him, they would only drive by just to see if he was operating or not.  And he was.

Lug and Fudge reported back to the King.

“Bossman it has been four days now and Trey is still operating as normal.”  That was Lug.

“He did not take your words seriously sir.”  Said Fudge.

The King sat up, “Very well.  We will need to take some action against Trey.   Fudge, do you think his stand is made of wood?”

“Yes sir, it definitely is.” Fudge answered.

“And is it about the same size as our stands?”  The King asked.

“Yes sir, I would say so.”  Fudge answered.

“Very good.  Then here is what we will do…”   The King laid out his plan for Lug and Fudge.

 

It was Wednesday Morning.  3am.  Pitch black out.   A U-haul moving truck drives into the quite suburb.   The U-haul truck parks about 50 yards away from the apple juice stand.    It all happens very quick.    The truck turns off.   Eight figures in dark attire and ski masks exit the vehicle.  One opens the back of the truck.  It is empty.  The figures gather around the apple juice stand and lift it.  It moves easily.  The figures move in unison and load the apple juice stand into the back of the U-haul truck.  They close the truck, get back in, and drive away.  The maneuver took no more than four minutes to complete.

 

It was the afternoon.  School let out.  Trey had just gotten out of class and was walking home.  Let’s make today a great day of business. Trey thought.   As he walked to his normal working location he stopped.  “Where is it?”  He asked aloud.   All he saw was nothing, only an empty space where his stand used to be.    Some local neighborhood kids came by to see Trey and get some apple juice.

“Hey Trey, where is your stand?  What did you do with it?”  One kid asked.

Trey was stunned.  “I just don’t know.  It vanished.”

 

Back at the headquarters, the King and his boys were meeting.  Fudge was laughing, “Oh Boss, I would be so happy to see the look on that guys face when he shows up to no stand.”   Fudge was joyous.

“I’m sure he will be quite surprised.”  Said the King.

“Surprised?” Lug asked.  “He is probably going to lose it!”

“Well boys, it feels good to strike a blow to the competition.”  The King spoke.   “But I do think we should put Trey out of his misery.   Let’s deliver the package to him in two days time.”

“Do you think we should have one of the girls do it?”  Fudge asked.

“That is a good idea Fudge.  Yes.”  The King was pleased.

————————————————–

 

Trey was leaving his class at school.

“Hey Trey!” A voice called out.

Trey turned around to see a girl standing in front of him.  She wore a very revealing top and she wore a short skirt.  This girl also held a medium size envelope in her hands.

“Woah, hey, who are you?”  Trey wondered.

“My name is not important.  I have something for you.”  The girl handed the envelope to Trey.  “It is from somebody else in the business.  It is safe to open I promise.  Be sure to act wisely.  See you later.”   The girl turned quickly and walked away.

Trey took the envelope and walked to the bathroom.  He wanted some privacy to open the envelope.

He opened it and pulled out the contents.  They was a small envelope that said ‘Trey’ on it.  And there were 3 photos.  One was a photo of the sign, “Welcome to Smallsberg.”      Smallsberg was a small town about 30 minutes from where they all lived.  The other photos were of his apple juice stand!   There it stood in Smallsberg.  One had a photo of the stand with a couple of good-looking teenage girls next to it.  And the other had a far away shot showing the location of the stand.

Trey’s mouth dropped, “They moved it!”  He dropped the photos on the ground and he reached to the small envelope with his name on it (‘Trey’).   He opened the envelope and it was a handwritten note.  His eyes scanned it.   Trey trembled slightly as he read the note.

The note read:

Stay out of my territory.    Sincerely, The King.

 

(END OF BISCUIT POST)