Tale: Fruit Center Support

( Imagine a Call center)

A man picks up the phone.

Service Desk Man:  Good Morning!  Thank you for calling fruit center support!  This is Phillip.  How May I help you today?

Customer: Hey Phillip!  I am using my banana here and my friend is telling me I need to get this converted over to an apple.  Can you guys do that for me?

Service Desk Man:  I’m sorry ma’am.  I am afraid that is not a feature.  We are not able to convert your banana into an apple.

Customer: Well why not?!  I want it to do this!  This is time sensitive too.  It is really important that I get this banana turned into an apple as quickly as possible!

Service Desk Man:  Are you sure that your friend was not talking about apple slices or maybe apple sauce?

Customer: Yes!  I am 100% sure!  I need this banana converted into an apple!

Service Desk Man: I’m sorry ma’am. But it is not designed to do that.  We can’t convert the banana into an apple for you.

Customer: Okay! Well then I need to speak to your manager.

(The customer gets sent over to the manager and the customer complains)

Service Desk Manager:  We are so sorry for all of the trouble ma’am.  We are going to create an escalation request for your need to convert this banana to an apple.   Someone from our team will reach out to you with the next steps.

( 4 days pass by )

ring ring ring!

Service Desk Man:  Fruit center support!  This is Phillip!

Customer:  It has been 4 days and I have not heard from anybody!  I really need your team to get this banana turned into an apple.

(The Service Desk Man reads over the notes of the Escalation ticket on his screen)

Service Desk Man: I am very sorry ma’am but based on the notes here on your escalation ticket I only have bad news.  Our team has come to the conclusion that there is no way to convert your banana into an apple.  The only workaround is to purchase an apple.

Customer (yelling):  This is crazy!  What do I even pay you guys for?!?!    (customer slams the phone down)

( Customer then sends an angry email to their fruit sales rep and the fruit sales rep apologized profusely and waved the cost of their fruit.)

END OF STORY

 

(This story is based on true events)

Feel free to share with your friends, especially any of the ones who work in call centers!

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Lemonade Boys (Rough Draft, The Story Continues)

The King sat down with Dr. Jenkins.  “Thank you for meeting with me today Dr. Jenkins.”

“Oh no problem Johnny.” Dr Jenkins was relaxed today.  “What did you want to ask me about?”

“I have some questions about business.”

“Oh okay.  What kind of questions?”

“Well I want your advice on how to sell more of a product.  Just any kind of hypothetical simple product.”

Dr. Jenkins thought for a moment.  “Well, I think customer service can be very important.   Customers will come back if they are happy with the service.”

“Well Dr. Jenkins how do I make sure that the product itself is the best that it can be?”

Dr. Jenkins smirked, “Have you considered having the product be something that is addictive?”

The King’s eyes lit up, “Oh no I haven’t.”

Dr. Jenkins continued, “Well it is only an idea.  People know that cigarettes are bad for them but they still smoke them.  It is the nicotine in the cigarettes, it is addictive and people can’t help themselves.  They want it too badly.  So if I had a product and my main goal was to just sell as much as possible, then I would consider to make my product addictive.  If the customers have an addiction to it then they can’t help themselves and they need to buy it.”

The King had a smile on his face.  “Thank you very much Dr. Jenkins.”

(END OF POST, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Lemonade Boys (The Competition) The Story Continues (rough draft)

The King and his boys were relaxing and having a good time at their hideout (which was a basement).

One of his boys came close to the King.  “Bossman, we have a report from the field.”

“Yes, go ahead.”

“Well, there is some guy and he is doing what we are doing.”

The King raised his eyebrow, “Oh?”   “Go on, tell me exactly what you are talking about.”

“It is this guy.  He has a wooden stand like we do.  And he is selling Apple juice, not lemonade.  He has two pitchers.   I have watched him multiple times.   Sometimes little kids go and buy something from him and sometimes older kids will go and buy stuff from him.   And he acts different if he is dealing with an older kid.    I think he is doing the same thing we are doing Bossman.”

The King was curious, “Do you know if he has more than one stand?”

The boy went on, “Not that I have seen.  I have only seen that one stand.”

The King looked around at his boys, “Well, this is very interesting.   Lug, Fudge come here.”

Lug and Fudge moved to him.  “What is it, Boss?”

“I want you two to go and meet this guy at his Apple Juice stand.  I don’t want any kind of roughness.  Just let him know that he needs to stop what he is doing and shut down.  Let me know what he says.”

“Sounds good Boss, we are on it.”

“One more thing, take this little guy with you since he knows where the apple juice stand is.”   The King looked at the boy.  “Good job young man.”

“Thank you Bossman.”


 

(The Next Day)

Lug and Fudge and young boy Jonny Fritz drove over to the Apple Juice stand.  It was in the suburbs.  It was a simple stand advertising “Apple J” on the board above it.  There was a young, clean-shaven teen working at the stand.  They approached him.

The young man smiled, “Hey.  How can I help you guys?”

Fudge spoke, “We are not here to buy.”

“Well then How can I help you?”

Lug looked at him, “What is your name?”

“Just who is asking?”

“Do you know who we are and who we work for?” Fudge asked him.

“I’m afraid not.  Should I?”   He just smiled.

Fudge squinted his eyes, “You know what you are doing out here.  Our Boss sent us.  We know about this operation of yours.  What is your name?”

“People call me Trey.”

Fudge got closer to him, “Well Trey, you need to stop what you are doing here.  You need to shut down this operation.”

He just smiled, “I’m sorry boys but I am not stopping.”

Fudge was making eye contact, “Our Boss sent us here to tell you to stop.  You got it?   Are you sure that is your response?”

Trey looked at them, “I am sure.  I have a good business going here and I’m not stopping. If you guys aren’t going to buy anything then I’ll have to ask you to be on your way.”

“Up to you.” Fudge said.    Lug and Fudge and young boy Jonny Fritz went back to their car and drove off.

Lug opened up his flip phone and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Hey King.  It’s Lug.”

The King’s voice came through, “What is the response?”

“No change sir.  He is going to stay open.” Lug spoke.

“Very well, I will have to take next steps.”   The King hung up.

Lug flipped his phone closed.    Fudge looked at him, “What did Bossman say?”

“He said we need to move to next steps.  I wonder what that means.”

The boys drove back to the hideout.   They had a meeting with the King and they planned their next move to deal with Trey.

To be continued … ….

END OF BISCUIT POST

Help Me Biscuit Followers!

I will keep this short and sweet.   I want to turn “Lemonade” into “Lemonade Boys”

I want to make a whole novel out of it, and it is easy for me to post small drafts here on my blog as I work on the story.

If you are a fan of Lemonade Boys please do let me know in the comment section or I also appreciate feedback on the story as well.

The more Feedback/Love/Support/Advice I can get on the story, the better as I work to make it and improve it.

Thank you to the followers of DJ ROBO BISCUIT!  I am a real person, I am not just a robot with a biscuit torso.

Thanks.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Lemonade (Rough Draft) Fit for a King

As the King sat in class he looked around the room.  He did see some talent.

The students were going around the room introducing themselves and saying an interesting fact or a hobby.    Nothing out of the ordinary.

One girl caught the eye of the King.   She was a thin girl with long dark hair.   “Hello.  My name is Amanda.  Um, something interesting about me is that I like to play video games.  They are fun!”   she smiled.

The King was smitten.  What a beauty. He thought.   When the class got out the students all moved to their other classes.  The King did not get many chances to speak to Amanda face to face.

——————- —————– ——————

The King was sitting with his boys.  They were at one of the houses.   They were talking about whatever, discussing video games and tv and sometimes which girls they like.

One boy looked at the King, “Hey boss man you got any girls you been eyeing?”

The King hesitated, “Well I guess so.”

“Well damn who is it?”

“It’s a girl in one of my classes.   Her name is Amanda.”

A boy blurted out, “The Burger?”

” I don’t know why you would call her that, she is a beautiful girl.   I plan on making her mine.”

“Okay bossman you think she is the one for you, huh?”

“Yeah I sure do.”

Some of the boys looked around from one to another.  Then another blurted out, “Wow can’t believe bossman has his eyes on Amanda Queensberger.”

 

END OF POST, DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Lemonade (Rough Draft) The Story Continues

The King surveyed his troops.  It was a ragtag force.  Kids and young men, nobody older than 16.

“Thank you all for coming.  I’m gonna spell it out for you guys real simple.  We have our stands okay?  Our stands is where we do our business.  You guys got that?”    The king spoke and looked around at his boys.   The boys in front of him nodded nervously.

“Right, we do our business at the stands.  The stand is where we sell.”  The king spoke.  He looked at his boys and tried to make eye contact with each one of them.  He wanted to let them know the importance of his words.

“Each stand will have a little and a big.  One little guy and one big guy.  One and one.  The little guy handles the lemonade and the big guy handles the goods.  We are gonna be sure these stands are made of wood.   And each stand will also have a bat beneath it, a wooden bat.  That is there for our protection.”

The King continued on, ” We are gonna have burner phones alright?  Just flip phones.  Do not give your phone number to anyone except people in our operation.”

“These are our burner phones and how we are gonna communicate.  You can text okay?  But, if this stuff is sensitive then DO NOT send the info with a text.  You can call me okay? You boys got that?  Make a phone call!”

The King spoke some more, ” What we do here is simple.  We have sugar and we have sugar.  We hide in plain sight.   You boys got it?”

Boys.  We are here to make money.  Okay?  The goal is to get the money.

But you kids need to know there will be risk.  If you think the police or your parents are suspicious and want to get your phone, then BREAK IT!  you got that?  Break the phone, we can’t have authorities get it.

Don’t be afraid to destroy the phone.  These phones are cheap.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED) DJ ROBO BISCUIT

The State of Asian Tennis (2017)

This is an analysis of Asian women’s tennis on the pro circuit.  It is taking into account their rankings and their prospects for success coming up.

In the present day, there are A LOT of skilled tennis players from China, Japan, and Tai-pei (Taiwan also).  It is hard to ignore their depth of talent.  Personally, when I was watching this year’s Australian Open I was impressed by the sheer number of players from Asia that were playing and winning.  Little known YingYing Duan made it to the third round and lost to Venus Williams (Venus destroyed her).  It really showed to me that China had arrived on the world stage of tennis.  Obviously, it kind of already did when you had Li Na winning a few years back but that was only one player.  Now there are multiple players.  Keep in mind they are not battling to win the tournament but they are in the tournament and making their presence known.

The Asian powerhouse is going to keep on coming.  Be on the lookout for them in the next 3 grand slams of this year.  The absolute biggest prospect is Naomi Osaka due to her power-tennis-big-time-winner-heavy game.  Osaka has a strong serve with a BIG forehand and a backhand that can also hit winners from anywhere.  When she is on she is very dangerous but it is hard to say if she has the mental toughness built up to finish off the Top 10 players.

It makes sense that Asia would eventually produce players due to the sheer size of their population.  It used to be that women’s tennis was dominated by Americans and Russians and Spaniards.  There has been a shift.  The women’s game is very diverse right now in terms of countries.  Sharapova has returned to the game so she is a dangerous player to keep in mind.  One thing to factor now to any major is that the Asian players are dangerous.   Case and point, Shuai Zhang, people were not expecting much from her and she just had a huge cinderella run in Australia.

Here are the players:

Shuai Zhang 31 in the world, China

Shuai Peng, 38 in the world, China (she plays two-hands on both sides)

Naomi Osaka, 19 years old, 47 in the world, Japan  (Best prospect for rising up into the top 20)

MISAKI DOI, 52 in the world, Lefty and good counter-puncher, Japan

Qiang Wang, 57 in the world, China

YingYing DUAN, 61 in the world, China

SaiSai Zheng, 67 in the world, China

Risa Ozaki, 72 in the world, China

Nao Hibino, 81 in the world, Japan

Kurumi Nara, 97 in the world, Japan

 

And the list goes on with players outside the top 100 as well.  ALSO, there are the CHAN SISTERS.  Team Chan/Chan is a VERY good doubles team.

That is 10 players in the top 100.  It is hard to say how big of an impact the Asian Tennis Force will have at the French Open.  The Asian players will most likely be much more dangerous at Wimbledon (Osaka) and at the US Open (look out for Osaka there as well).  Also, Side note, at Wimbledon be on the lookout for Pironkova from Bulgaria who is beautiful but also an extremely crafty grass court player.

Feel free to comment.  Me, personally, I am very interested to see how the Asian contingent will progress and if China/Japan/Taiwan/Thailand will continue to bring up professional tennis talent.

Thank you!

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT, Monday May 1st, 2017