Noodle World – Entry 14 (Deep Part 2)

The man in the robes began his talk.

“I say Hallelujah!  I say Hallelujah!”

“You people, you need something!  Something real!  Something that is strong that you can feel!”

John Every looked around the room.  He saw twinkles in the eyes of the gathered people.

“People are not happy!  We are living in a Devil’s World!  I feel sorry for the sinners out there!   And I have compassion for the sinners in here! For we all have some sin!”

“The people of this world, they have betrayed the Lord!  I’m talking about the almighty GOD!  I’m talking about Jesus Christ!”

“How could they give up on our Lord and Savior?  How could they accept a Monster made of Noodles?”

“It goes back to Nietzsche.    We know the tale of the Madman. ‘God is dead. And we have killed him.’   That is what it was.   It was Man.  It was our Minds!”

“The people of this world.  They thought they could outTHINK God!   They thought they could use Logic and Reason to prove him not there.    But let me tell you something, He is Real!   I Believe!   I can FEEL him!   God is all-knowing and all-seeing!    They thought they could hide from him and join forces with a Pasta Monster BUT I SAY NO!”

The people were cheering.

“You are on the path to salvation!  You are on the true path!”

“And we will NOT engage in pre-marital sex!  It is frowned upon by The Lord!”

John Every was enjoying the spirituality of this Christianity.  But he felt uneasy about letting his belief have control over his sex life.

-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT

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Understanding Pastafarianism

It is a satirical religion.

Founded by Bobby Henderson in order to battle against Creationism and the School Board who was trying to have Creationism taught in the school systems.

I DEMAND EQUAL CLASS TIME!!!!!   If you will teach about your God then I demand time be spent on my GOD, even if it is a Gigantic Flying Spaghetti Monster!

It grew from there.   People gravitate to it as a clever way to battle against Creationism and as a tool for argument.     The burden of proof is for YOU to prove WHY my God does NOT EXIST.

It is similar to the “Russian TeaPot.”   Also similar to the “Invisible Pink Unicorn.”

Also, if you are a Pastafarian then you can wear a Pasta Strainer on your head for your Driver’s License photo as a Religious HeadDress.

Instead of being an Atheist, you can choose to be a Pastafarian.

-DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Noodle World — Entry Feb 7.

White male.  Brown Beard.  Brown hair.  He wore a white robe. Sandals.  His face was calm.

The hairy white male scanned the smooth lake surface.   He slowly closed his eyes … … held them closed for 5 seconds and then opened them.    He placed his right foot forward.

 

On the other side of the lake, their was a pirate.   He was a smelly pirate and he had a beard.   This pirate wore black boots and looked like a smelly pirate.   This pirate enjoyed drinking Rum.  His name was Smelly Alfredo.

Smelly Alfredo looked out towards the lake.    There was a man.    Smelly Alfredo saw this man.

“Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr unbelievable.   He be walking on the water.”   Alfredo slurred his words.

The robed man with a beard was standing in the middle of the lake.  His feet were firmly on the top of the lake surface.   It appeared to be a miracle.

Smelly Alfredo reached into his Pirate Satchel (the official carrying sack of Pirate) and grabbed his Colander (Pasta Strainer).  He placed the pasta device on his head.   The colander infused him with Noodle Strength.    As Smelly Alfredo looked out onto the Lake he could see that the white-bearded-man was being held above the water by a large Noodle.   The Noodle was wrapped around his waist and the Noodley Noodle stretched up into the clouds.

“This man has been blessed by His Noodle.”  Smelly Alfredo removed his colander and went back to sleep to dream Pirate dreams.  “R’amen.”

-End of Entry, (Blasphemy).

Noodle World — New Entry (Feb 5)

I just don’t know man, I am having doubts… …

It seems hard to believe that this Noodle Monster is the creator!!!     I just don’t feel that there is a connection between Pirates and Global warming.     How do people know that it isn’t just a normally occurring phenomena?

Nobody feels weird about this?     They don’t think that it’s odd for us to worship a Noodle Monster???

Wouldn’t it make more sense for our Diety to be … I don’t know … a man?

“Woah man, you are sounding kind of crazy.”

Wouldn’t a powerful god create man in his image?  Why would a Gigantic Spaghetti Monster create human beings?

I know it’s the popular religion …. … but but but maybe there is an alternative?

I may consider seeking out a cult.

“Woah my man, I am a little bit worried about you.”

-End of Entry. (Doubt)

The Connected Countries of Western Pangea (A North American Satire)

“In recent news, an innocent man was shot dead.”  The newswoman was talking.  She was a pretty girl, with blond hair and blue eyes (obviously born and groomed to read the news on television).  “The 26 year old man, Michael Johnson, was shot and killed by a 55 year old Timothy Flanders.   The car of Timothy Flanders slid off the road due to ice, as Johnson parked his car and tried to come to Flanders’ aid … Flanders emerged from his car behaving in a belligerent way and fired his automatic pistol into Johnson.   While Johnson was on the ground, Flanders fired 3 more times, killing Johnson.    Flanders then got back into his car.   The Police and SWAT team came to arrest him; he resisted arrest.”  The blond girl looked into the camera, only slightly phased by the story.  “A tragic story indeed.   In recent news, a local bakery produced the world’s biggest cookie … … ”

Over in Eastern Pangea, 26 year old Graduate Students laughed at the stupidity of the people of Western Pangea.    “Can you believe this?”  “It is totally crazy over there.” “This is what happens when anybody can get a gun.”  The Eastern Pangea students laughed and laughed and drank some tea.

In Western Pangea, The supporters of guns were preparing their comeback.

White Leadership candidate #1:  The people of this great nation MUST have guns!  Without them we will be victims of terror!

White Leadership candidate #2: As human beings it is our God-given right to have access to guns!  I have faith that the people of Western Pangea will do the right thing and support our civil liberties!

White Leadership candidate #3:  It is a tragedy for that young man to lose his life, HOWEVER, it can not be calculated how many lives guns have SAVED as a result of the people of this GREAT nation having access to guns.   And once I am elected as your White Leader, I will ensure the supply of guns flows easily to the people!  So we may guarantee our safety on Domestic Soil!   God Bless Western Pangea!

“That’s our man right there,” spoke Bob Smith.   Bob Smith and Alan Ryan sat in high-backed chairs in their local Golf-and-Swim Club.  “White Leadership Candidate #3, I think he has our best interests at heart.”

Alan Ryan spoke up.  “It looks like this is the kind of man that the Western Pangea Gun Association can throw its vast resources behind.”

“All of these damn liberals are going to get up in arms about this young man’s death.  We are going to have to double down and make sure the people of Western Pangea know of the constant danger they are in.”  Bob Smith looked confident.

Members of the WPGA prepared to make numerous appearances on POX News and educate the people of Western Pangea about the Absolute Need for widespread access to guns.  Also, they made sure to prepare arguments in regards to the “Paper of Rights” and the necessary Freedom of the people to own guns.

Meanwhile, the Parents of Michael Johnson mourned the senseless death of their only son.

— January 25th, 2015 ; Dr. DJ Robo Biscuit