Jon Every found the box of cereal.
This cereal box did not have a Noodle Monster touching balls in milk.
It was a cereal box that had a picture of a man on it. A man with a brown beard and brown hair. His arms were spread wide and his face was calm.
“Interesting.” Said Jon Every. “This box is so different from the other boxes.”
He thought it was so odd to see a human man making gestures with food. He was so used to seeing only the Holy Noodle touch balls with His mighty appendages.
“The cult of Christianity must be gaining more followers than I thought.” Said Jon.
A young boy ran up close and pointed at the cereal box with Jesus on it. “Mom look! There is a white man on this box!”
The mom moved quickly and grabbed her son. “Don’t look at that vile thing Billy! That white demon is a desecration to the Noodle that we hold sacred.”
The mom and young boy moved away.
Jon Every thought out loud, “This world is becoming stranger everyday.”
-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT
The supporter was a middle aged woman and she was from the middle part of the nation. “Those comments did not bother me. I have heard men say things that are much worse.”
The nice lady on television responded: “Mr Krump did say that he liked to snatch women in the vagina.”
The supporter was getting a little perturbed: “That is nothing! Men say things that are worse than that all the time! Also, I am confident that he would have not said that if he knew he was being recorded and the recording would be released to the nation!”
The nice lady on television continues to listen.
The supporter continues: “Look that is not the real issue. In the debate they laid out their positions. They reached down and drew a line in the sand. We now know that Krump cares about our security and making the nation great again. We know that Jillary Banton likes to cut up fetus’s. Oh yes!”
The nice television lady could not take it. “Okay Tina. We are not talking about policies we need to talk about is it appropriate for a leader to speak this way.”
The supporter resumed her words: “It was a mistake. It was a mistake. But that was in the past and we can move on from that. Look Look Look. This is part of the Holy Noodle’s plan. It’s part of the plan. The Noodle has chosen this man and we can use this man. Don’t you see?”
The dark skinned man on the panel voiced his opinion: “This is not about religion. This is about our future leader. And it is not right for him to be saying things like this.”
The supporter was angered: “When Mr Banton was doing his thing, my kids that it was called the anal office! I can’t see why you can’t see this is part of the Noodle’s plan! Clearly Krump has been touched by the Noodle and he will lead us! You must be in one of those cults! The one with that bearded man and the cross! You people make me sick!”
The nice television lady cut in: “We have run out of time. Lets cut to commercial!”
The screen goes black.
-End of Entry, December 22nd. Based on a true story.
(Dedicated to Beauty Beyond Bones; Sunglasses Girl)
I woke up this morning and I was feeling #blessed
I looked out my window and I just could not help but think “Wow God is so good.”
I arose out of my bed which was so comfy and soft. I placed my happy feet on the ground and made sure to adjust my undergarments to keep everything covered up. Gotta keep my pig in the blanket if you know what I mean #DecentExposure #DoItForTheLord
I looked in my mirror and I was happy with my reflection. “Man I look good. And Thank you God for blessing me with my beauty.” #GiveItUpToGod #GodIsGood #ClearlyNotJustGenetics
I was checking my e-mails. I saw that Harvard sent me an e-mail in response to my job application. “This is so good God thank you.” (that was my thought) I read the e-mail. I did not get the job. I began to think, “Maybe I am not good enough? Do I suck? Will anybody ever hire me?” But then I remembered, “Wait a second. This is just part of God’s plan. Thank you to the Lord.” Just feeling #Blessed for my smart realizations
I walked into my local Barnes&Noble. #GodIsGood As I walked over to the inner Starbucks I was feeling #blessed for all of the cold hard cash I had in my wallet. Ready to spend some of that green on my favorite charity: myself. Don’t worry God I’ll be putting the change in the tip jar. #Giving #Blessed I got myself a nice pumpkin spice latte and was super excited to take a photo of it and then slam it onto all of my social media and just explode the internet. #JustWhatTheLordWanted #DoingGodsWork
I picked up a copy of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” because I enjoy reading #BlessedForMyOwnLiteracy and I knew that Frederick Nichey McNietzche was a good author but as I began reading the book I was totally feeling NOT #Blessed … …. I read the words “God is Dead” and I just knew that this book was the work of the Devil and the Dark Lord himself must have possessed the crazed Nietzsche to write such a vile abomination. Luckily, I had my tiny cross around my neck and I grabbed it. It gave me comfort. Was once again feeling #blessed and #Safe with my faith to give me strength
As I got back home for my super comfy nap time I just couldn’t stop feeling so #blessed for being a good looking person and being able to take naps after chilling at Barnes&Noble
#KeepItUpGod #StayFresh #Fluffy
(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)
The man in the robes began his talk.
“I say Hallelujah! I say Hallelujah!”
“You people, you need something! Something real! Something that is strong that you can feel!”
John Every looked around the room. He saw twinkles in the eyes of the gathered people.
“People are not happy! We are living in a Devil’s World! I feel sorry for the sinners out there! And I have compassion for the sinners in here! For we all have some sin!”
“The people of this world, they have betrayed the Lord! I’m talking about the almighty GOD! I’m talking about Jesus Christ!”
“How could they give up on our Lord and Savior? How could they accept a Monster made of Noodles?”
“It goes back to Nietzsche. We know the tale of the Madman. ‘God is dead. And we have killed him.’ That is what it was. It was Man. It was our Minds!”
“The people of this world. They thought they could outTHINK God! They thought they could use Logic and Reason to prove him not there. But let me tell you something, He is Real! I Believe! I can FEEL him! God is all-knowing and all-seeing! They thought they could hide from him and join forces with a Pasta Monster BUT I SAY NO!”
The people were cheering.
“You are on the path to salvation! You are on the true path!”
“And we will NOT engage in pre-marital sex! It is frowned upon by The Lord!”
John Every was enjoying the spirituality of this Christianity. But he felt uneasy about letting his belief have control over his sex life.
-End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT