A story by DJ ROBO BISCUIT
The two office men meet each other by the water cooler.
“How is it going Bob? You had a good night?”
“Hey Mike! Ya I sure did. Pretty fun night. Yourself?”
“Real good. Did you watch the fights last night?”
“Oh man! They were crazy! How about Jenkins?”
“That Jenkins guy is a tough S.O.B for sure! Can’t believe he got past that other guy.”
“Oh yeah man. That was definitely an upset for sure. Do you think he will go all the way?”
“I don’t know mate. The competition is pretty fierce. Those men, they fight like animals.”
“Well they have a lot to fight for.”
“True that my friend!”
The two men separate and go back to their cubes.
Cage match. The arena is is a cage match with cameras and microphones surrounding it. The two men are on opposite sides of the cage. They wear athletic shorts (no pockets) and nothing else. Their hands are empty and their feet are bear.
Commentator: Alright folks We got a real nice match on our hands tonight! Omar Jenkins in the right corner. He stands at 5 foot 10 inches tall weighing in at 180 pounds. He killed a whole family while they slept. In the left corner we have Andrew Rice. He stands at 6 feet tall and 170 pounds. Andrew strangled his boss at work and then beat him to death.
Other Commentator: Hey man, we have all felt that way at one time or another! And this Rice guy just had the nuts to follow through. And here we are tonight!
Commentator: Exactly right! These two men are in the fight of their lives tonight! Two men are entering the ring and only one will live. This is Life Fight!
Ding ding ding! (The fight starts)
Commentator: There is the bell and the fight is on! Both men throwing punches at each other. I’m giving a slight edge to Jenkins, I bet he has the speed!
Other Commentator: Bold prediction my friend. Rice does have the height advantage in this one.
Commentator: Boom! Jenkins delivering a strong combo to Rice’s face. Oh and Wow! Rice delivers a hard kick right into the groin of Jenkins.
Other Commentator: Remember folks there are no rules so that kick was 100% legal.
Commentator: Jenkins is the on the ground right now and it looks like Rice is moving in for the headlock.
DING DING DING!
Commentator: Saved by the bell! That first two minutes goes by so fast. The two fighters head back to their corners while we get a word from our sponsors!
Other Commentator: These fights have definitely been getting more popular. I heard we were getting a look from Doritos AND Nike as well.
Commentator: I’ll believe that when I see it. Folks we are about to move into round 2 here, so if you have any small children watching then we just want to say that viewer discretion is advised.
DING DING DING!
Commentator: And we are back! Rice moving in, but Jenkins fending him off with a punch to the head! He backs off and the two fighters are circling. Oh it’s that time! They are dropping in the weapons! Looks like Jenkins and Rice both have grabbed short swords.
Other Commentator: Those are extra sharp.
Commentator: Oh here we go! Rice moving in fast with a slash. And Jenkins parries! OH! N—
(Jenkins slices rice hard across the stomach; opening him up. Rice has his eyes wide open as he looks down at his stomach. Jenkins sweeps the leg, taking Rice to the ground. Rice grabs at his open stomach wound. Jenkins brings his sword down quickly and stabs Rice through the heart).
Commentator: Wow! Game over for Rice! An efficient kill by Jenkins!
Other Commentator: Rest in peace to Rice! And remember, that guy was a killer!
Commentator: That is right! Kill or be killed in these fights! Congrats to Omar Jenkins, he lives to fight another day!
(At the White House, the President gives a speech on the front lawn)
President: Now I know there have been some complaints about the Life Fights. But look, the people, they love them! The ratings are going through the roof. Millions of American are tuning in to check it out.
Reporter: Mr. President, what about the concern many have of children watching the fights?
President: That is a fair question. I have already spoken with the different networks and we are going to have a TV-MA rating appear in the top left screen. We are also making double sure that the commentators are giving fair warning that the battle could turn bloody.
Reporter: Mr. President some of your critics have said it is truly unethical to have these men fight. What do you say to that?
President: Unethical? It is a ridiculous charge. I am doing so much good. These are men with no hope. They are killers. I am giving them a second chance, a chance at redemption. Win three fights and life is yours. Never in History, has a President used the pardon so well.
Reporter: Mr. President people around the country are becoming concerned that too many American are receiving the death penalty. Can you comment on that?
President: I am bringing law and order to this country. Many of these men have made mistakes, terrible mistakes. And I want to protect the people. But unlike never before, these men can fight their way out.
Commentator: Alright folks! Here we are! The deciding fight for Omar Jenkins! We all saw him use his short sword to handle Rice. And just two nights ago he was able to kill John Jeppers with his bare hands. Will Omar have what it takes tonight as he takes on Nelson Minger?
Other Commentator: Nelson Minger is one tough cookie. He had a lot of gang involvement before he robbed that bank and shot both security guards. And he is 6 foot 3 inches tall with rumors of knowing some karate!
Commentator: This is a huge night for the Life Fights. The President himself is here in attendance just in case Omar Jenkins is able to win this fight.
(The two fighters battle it out and have a stalemate through the first round)
Ding ding ding!
Commentator: Alright folks we are here in round two! Oh, here comes the weapons! Looks like they dropped in some small knives. Jenkins and Minger both getting the knives. And they are circling.
Other Commentator: You can really feel the bloodlust in the air!
Commentator: Oh! They are on the move! Oh looks like Minger managed to get a deep cut on Jenkins arm! Okay and here goes Jenkins! WOAH!
(Jenkins moves in and slashes the knife hand of Minger. It bleeds. He gets the knife out of the hand. Jenkins get his hand around Minger’s throat. He plunges the knife into his back and twists. Minger’s eyes roll back into his head and he collapses on the ground)
Commentator: Simply Amazing! Huge kill by Jenkins!
Other Commentator: Such cunning to slash the hand before going for the throat!
Commentator: Folks! Tonight hard work is going to pay off for Omar Jenkins!
(The President of the United States moves down to the ring with heavy security presence. He is a given a microphone)
The President: Good Evening everyone! We have really been treated to an impressive display tonight. And as you all can see, these killers are some real tough folks! First of all I want to say Congratulations to Omar Jenkins! Omar, you are one heck of a fighter. Second of all, I want to thank you for your work. You have killed three inmates over the past week. All three of those men were on death row and you have saved this country time and money with your efforts. And finally, let’s get to my part of the deal. By the powers vested in me as President of the United States I hereby remove the death penalty from your slate. Effective immediately. Your punishment is now being changed to a life sentence which you may live out in luxury at the Fighters Hotel. To those of you watching me from Prison, I say to you, train hard!
(End of Story)