Tale: Fruit Center Support

( Imagine a Call center)

A man picks up the phone.

Service Desk Man:  Good Morning!  Thank you for calling fruit center support!  This is Phillip.  How May I help you today?

Customer: Hey Phillip!  I am using my banana here and my friend is telling me I need to get this converted over to an apple.  Can you guys do that for me?

Service Desk Man:  I’m sorry ma’am.  I am afraid that is not a feature.  We are not able to convert your banana into an apple.

Customer: Well why not?!  I want it to do this!  This is time sensitive too.  It is really important that I get this banana turned into an apple as quickly as possible!

Service Desk Man:  Are you sure that your friend was not talking about apple slices or maybe apple sauce?

Customer: Yes!  I am 100% sure!  I need this banana converted into an apple!

Service Desk Man: I’m sorry ma’am. But it is not designed to do that.  We can’t convert the banana into an apple for you.

Customer: Okay! Well then I need to speak to your manager.

(The customer gets sent over to the manager and the customer complains)

Service Desk Manager:  We are so sorry for all of the trouble ma’am.  We are going to create an escalation request for your need to convert this banana to an apple.   Someone from our team will reach out to you with the next steps.

( 4 days pass by )

ring ring ring!

Service Desk Man:  Fruit center support!  This is Phillip!

Customer:  It has been 4 days and I have not heard from anybody!  I really need your team to get this banana turned into an apple.

(The Service Desk Man reads over the notes of the Escalation ticket on his screen)

Service Desk Man: I am very sorry ma’am but based on the notes here on your escalation ticket I only have bad news.  Our team has come to the conclusion that there is no way to convert your banana into an apple.  The only workaround is to purchase an apple.

Customer (yelling):  This is crazy!  What do I even pay you guys for?!?!    (customer slams the phone down)

( Customer then sends an angry email to their fruit sales rep and the fruit sales rep apologized profusely and waved the cost of their fruit.)

END OF STORY

 

(This story is based on true events)

Feel free to share with your friends, especially any of the ones who work in call centers!

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LIFE FIGHT (A story)

A story by DJ ROBO BISCUIT

The two office men meet each other by the water cooler.

“How is it going Bob?  You had a good night?”

“Hey Mike! Ya I sure did.  Pretty fun night. Yourself?”

“Real good.  Did you watch the fights last night?”

“Oh man!  They were crazy!  How about Jenkins?”

“That Jenkins guy is a tough S.O.B for sure!  Can’t believe he got past that other guy.”

“Oh yeah man.  That was definitely an upset for sure.  Do you think he will go all the way?”

“I don’t know mate.  The competition is pretty fierce.  Those men, they fight like animals.”

“Well they have a lot to fight for.”

“True that my friend!”

The two men separate and go back to their cubes.

 

Cage match.  The arena is is a cage match with cameras and microphones surrounding it.  The two men are on opposite sides of the cage.  They wear athletic shorts (no pockets) and nothing else.  Their hands are empty and their feet are bear.

Commentator: Alright folks We got a real nice match on our hands tonight! Omar Jenkins in the right corner.  He stands at 5 foot 10 inches tall weighing in at 180 pounds.  He killed a whole family while they slept.     In the left corner we have Andrew Rice.  He stands at 6 feet tall and 170 pounds.  Andrew strangled his boss at work and then beat him to death.

Other Commentator:  Hey man, we have all felt that way at one time or another!  And this Rice guy just had the nuts to follow through.  And here we are tonight!

Commentator:  Exactly right!  These two men are in the fight of their lives tonight!  Two men are entering the ring and only one will live.  This is Life Fight!

Ding ding ding!   (The fight starts)

Commentator:   There is the bell and the fight is on!  Both men throwing punches at each other.  I’m giving a slight edge to Jenkins, I bet he has the speed!

Other Commentator:  Bold prediction my friend.  Rice does have the height advantage in this one.

Commentator:   Boom! Jenkins delivering a strong combo to Rice’s face.  Oh and Wow!  Rice delivers a hard kick right into the groin of Jenkins.

Other Commentator:  Remember folks there are no rules so that kick was 100% legal.

Commentator:  Jenkins is the on the ground right now and it looks like Rice is moving in for the headlock.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  Saved by the bell!  That first two minutes goes by so fast.   The two fighters head back to their corners while we get a word from our sponsors!

Other Commentator: These fights have definitely been getting more popular.  I heard we were getting a look from Doritos AND Nike as well.

Commentator:  I’ll believe that when I see it.    Folks we are about to move into round 2 here, so if you have any small children watching then we just want to say that viewer discretion is advised.

DING DING DING!

Commentator:  And we are back! Rice moving in, but Jenkins fending him off with a punch to the head!  He backs off and the two fighters are circling.   Oh it’s that time!  They are dropping in the weapons!   Looks like Jenkins and Rice both have grabbed short swords.

Other Commentator:  Those are extra sharp.

Commentator: Oh here we go!  Rice moving in fast with a slash.   And Jenkins parries! OH! N—

(Jenkins slices rice hard across the stomach; opening him up.  Rice has his eyes wide open as he looks down at his stomach.  Jenkins sweeps the leg, taking Rice to the ground. Rice grabs at his open stomach wound.  Jenkins brings his sword down quickly and stabs Rice through the heart).

Commentator: Wow!  Game over for Rice!  An efficient kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator:  Rest in peace to Rice!  And remember, that guy was a killer!

Commentator:   That is right! Kill or be killed in these fights!   Congrats to Omar Jenkins, he lives to fight another day!

 

(At the White House, the President gives a speech on the front lawn)

President:  Now I know there have been some complaints about the Life Fights.  But look, the people, they love them!  The ratings are going through the roof.  Millions of American are tuning in to check it out.

Reporter:  Mr. President, what about the concern many have of children watching the fights?

President:  That is a fair question.  I have already spoken with the different networks and we are going to have a TV-MA rating appear in the top left screen.  We are also making double sure that the commentators are giving fair warning that the battle could turn bloody.

Reporter:  Mr. President some of your critics have said it is truly unethical to have these men fight.  What do you say to that?

President: Unethical?  It is a ridiculous charge.  I am doing so much good.  These are men with no hope.  They are killers. I am giving them a second chance, a chance at redemption.   Win three fights and life is yours.  Never in History, has a President used the pardon so well.

Reporter:  Mr. President people around the country are becoming concerned that too many American are receiving the death penalty.  Can you comment on that?

President:  I am bringing law and order to this country.  Many of these men have made mistakes, terrible mistakes.  And I want to protect the people.  But unlike never before, these men can fight their way out.

 

(Fast Forward)

Commentator:  Alright folks! Here we are!  The deciding fight for Omar Jenkins!   We all saw him use his short sword to handle Rice.  And just two nights ago he was able to kill John Jeppers with his bare hands.   Will Omar have what it takes tonight as he takes on Nelson Minger?

Other Commentator: Nelson Minger is one tough cookie.  He had a lot of gang involvement before he robbed that bank and shot both security guards.  And he is 6 foot 3 inches tall with rumors of knowing some karate!

Commentator:  This is a huge night for the Life Fights.  The President himself is here in attendance just in case Omar Jenkins is able to win this fight.

(The two fighters battle it out and have a stalemate through the first round) 

Ding ding ding!

Commentator: Alright folks we are here in round two!  Oh, here comes the weapons!  Looks like they dropped in some small knives.   Jenkins and Minger both getting the knives.  And they are circling.

Other Commentator:  You can really feel the bloodlust in the air!

Commentator:  Oh! They are on the move! Oh looks like Minger managed to get a deep cut on Jenkins arm!  Okay and here goes Jenkins! WOAH!

(Jenkins moves in and slashes the knife hand of Minger.  It bleeds. He gets the knife out of the hand.  Jenkins get his hand around Minger’s throat.  He plunges the knife into his back and twists.  Minger’s eyes roll back into his head and he collapses on the ground)

Commentator:  Simply Amazing! Huge kill by Jenkins!

Other Commentator: Such cunning to slash the hand before going for the throat!

Commentator:  Folks!  Tonight hard work is going to pay off for Omar Jenkins!

(The President of the United States moves down to the ring with heavy security presence.  He is a given a microphone)

The President:   Good Evening everyone!  We have really been treated to an impressive display tonight.  And as you all can see, these killers are some real tough folks!   First of all I want to say Congratulations to Omar Jenkins!  Omar, you are one heck of a fighter.  Second of all, I want to thank you for your work.  You have killed three inmates over the past week.  All three of those men were on death row and you have saved this country time and money with your efforts. And finally, let’s get to my part of the deal.   By the powers vested in me as President of the United States I hereby remove the death penalty from your slate.  Effective immediately.  Your punishment is now being changed to a life sentence which you may live out in luxury at the Fighters Hotel.    To those of you watching me from Prison, I say to you, train hard!

 

(End of Story)

 

 

LEMONADE BOYS (rough draft) The Story Continues, The Competition (The King and Trey)

The boys were gathered in their clubhouse.

“Well Bossman, what should we do about Trey?”  Lug spoke.

The King sat in contemplation, “Let’s give him a little time.  I want to see what he does.”

Fudge was a little jittery, “You sure you don’t want us to rough him a bit?”

“No Fudge I don’t.  We can’t stop this Trey guy with violence.  We need to make smart moves.”  The King was even in his speech.

 

A few days went by.  Lug and Fudge would periodically drive by the apple juice stand to check on Trey.  They would not speak to him, they would only drive by just to see if he was operating or not.  And he was.

Lug and Fudge reported back to the King.

“Bossman it has been four days now and Trey is still operating as normal.”  That was Lug.

“He did not take your words seriously sir.”  Said Fudge.

The King sat up, “Very well.  We will need to take some action against Trey.   Fudge, do you think his stand is made of wood?”

“Yes sir, it definitely is.” Fudge answered.

“And is it about the same size as our stands?”  The King asked.

“Yes sir, I would say so.”  Fudge answered.

“Very good.  Then here is what we will do…”   The King laid out his plan for Lug and Fudge.

 

It was Wednesday Morning.  3am.  Pitch black out.   A U-haul moving truck drives into the quite suburb.   The U-haul truck parks about 50 yards away from the apple juice stand.    It all happens very quick.    The truck turns off.   Eight figures in dark attire and ski masks exit the vehicle.  One opens the back of the truck.  It is empty.  The figures gather around the apple juice stand and lift it.  It moves easily.  The figures move in unison and load the apple juice stand into the back of the U-haul truck.  They close the truck, get back in, and drive away.  The maneuver took no more than four minutes to complete.

 

It was the afternoon.  School let out.  Trey had just gotten out of class and was walking home.  Let’s make today a great day of business. Trey thought.   As he walked to his normal working location he stopped.  “Where is it?”  He asked aloud.   All he saw was nothing, only an empty space where his stand used to be.    Some local neighborhood kids came by to see Trey and get some apple juice.

“Hey Trey, where is your stand?  What did you do with it?”  One kid asked.

Trey was stunned.  “I just don’t know.  It vanished.”

 

Back at the headquarters, the King and his boys were meeting.  Fudge was laughing, “Oh Boss, I would be so happy to see the look on that guys face when he shows up to no stand.”   Fudge was joyous.

“I’m sure he will be quite surprised.”  Said the King.

“Surprised?” Lug asked.  “He is probably going to lose it!”

“Well boys, it feels good to strike a blow to the competition.”  The King spoke.   “But I do think we should put Trey out of his misery.   Let’s deliver the package to him in two days time.”

“Do you think we should have one of the girls do it?”  Fudge asked.

“That is a good idea Fudge.  Yes.”  The King was pleased.

————————————————–

 

Trey was leaving his class at school.

“Hey Trey!” A voice called out.

Trey turned around to see a girl standing in front of him.  She wore a very revealing top and she wore a short skirt.  This girl also held a medium size envelope in her hands.

“Woah, hey, who are you?”  Trey wondered.

“My name is not important.  I have something for you.”  The girl handed the envelope to Trey.  “It is from somebody else in the business.  It is safe to open I promise.  Be sure to act wisely.  See you later.”   The girl turned quickly and walked away.

Trey took the envelope and walked to the bathroom.  He wanted some privacy to open the envelope.

He opened it and pulled out the contents.  They was a small envelope that said ‘Trey’ on it.  And there were 3 photos.  One was a photo of the sign, “Welcome to Smallsberg.”      Smallsberg was a small town about 30 minutes from where they all lived.  The other photos were of his apple juice stand!   There it stood in Smallsberg.  One had a photo of the stand with a couple of good-looking teenage girls next to it.  And the other had a far away shot showing the location of the stand.

Trey’s mouth dropped, “They moved it!”  He dropped the photos on the ground and he reached to the small envelope with his name on it (‘Trey’).   He opened the envelope and it was a handwritten note.  His eyes scanned it.   Trey trembled slightly as he read the note.

The note read:

Stay out of my territory.    Sincerely, The King.

 

(END OF BISCUIT POST)

LEMONADE BOYS The Competion part 2 (The Story continues) (NOV 26)

Lug and Fudge get back to headquarters.  They went to speak with The King.

The King spoke, “Okay boys.  What was that guys name?”

“It was Trey.” Lug said.

“Hmmm Trey.” The King seemed to ponder the name for a few moments.  “Was he a big guy?”

“No sir, no sir.  He was not big and strong at all.  He seemed more like a smart guy to me. Not too big, maybe five foot nine about 150 pounds or so.”  Lug told him.

The King looked at them, “And he said he was not going to stop right?”

“That’s right bossman.”

“Okay boys well then we need to take next steps.”  The King said.  “Okay here is what we are going to do … ”    The King laid out the next steps for his boys.  Once he was done laying out the steps he patted Lug on the arm.    “Okay, you guys got it?”

Lug and Fudge nodded, “We got it Boss.”


 

It was the next day.   School had let out.  Trey was walking back to his car from school.   A vehicle pulls up next to him on the sidewalk.   The back door opens, it is Lug.  He gets out of the car.  “Okay Trey get in we are going for a ride.”

Trey was caught off-guard, “Hey man, what is this?”

Lug was MUCH bigger than Trey.  “Get in the car now.”  Lug moved forward and grabbed Trey by the arm and forced him into the vehicle.  He was in the back in the middle, right in between Lug and Fudge.

“What are you guys going to do to me?” Trey asked.

“Just shut up okay?  We aren’t going to hurt you.”    They took out a canvas bag and placed it over his head.

“WOAH! HEY!  Why do I need a bag over my head?”  Trey protested.

“Just shut up Trey!  Shut your mouth okay?  We are going to meet the Bossman.”  Lug raised his voice at Trey.

Trey stayed quiet the rest of the ride.   They got to headquarters.   They pulled the car as close as they could to the building.

Lug leaned over to Trey.  “Okay Trey, no funny business.  We are here okay and we are going to escort you from this car inside to meet the Bossman.  You got it?”

Trey spoke through the bag, “Am I about to die?”

“Jesus man!  We are not killers okay?  The Bossman just wants to speak with you face to face.”

The driver of the car spoke up, “Okay guys looks like the coast is clear.”

Fudge looked at Lug, “Let’s go.”

They got out of the car.  They pulled Trey with them.  The Canvas bag stayed on his head. They moved him into the headquarters and sat him down in front of the King.   They quickly pulled off the canvas bag.  The King and Trey were now face to face.

“Hello Trey.”

“Hey man, what is the deal?  You have your own goons who pick people up?”

“Sorry for any kind of difficulty Trey but I wanted to meet with you face to face, you know man to man.”

“Yeah well who are you supposed to be?”

“The people call me The King.”

“Oh yeah?   You are not a very big guy Mr King.  I can’t believe these guys listen to you.”

“Well I am the guy with the vision.  These two work for me and help me with my operation.”

“Your Operation?”

“Okay Trey.  Cut the crap.  I can tell you are not an idiot and please don’t insult my intelligence.  You must have seen the stands around town.  I bet you thought you could do the same, am I correct?”

“I don’t really see a problem.  There are multiple lemonade stands around town and I am the only apple juice stand.”

“I told you to cut the crap Trey.  You have clients younger and older who visit your apple juice stand.  And that is because you don’t just sell apple juice there.”

“Well perhaps.”

“Okay Trey well let me spell it out very clearly for you.  I see you as being competition.  And I do not want any competition.  This is my territory.  This is my turf.  My operation will be the only operation.”

“Well I see we have a conflict here.”

“Trey, I think we have some options here.  I like your ambition and I think you can join my team here.  Think about it.   Anyway, here are your choices: You can come and work for me; you can shut down your stand; or you can move your operation far away.”  The King was staring directly into Treys eyes.

“And what if I decide to stay where I am and operate my stand?”

“Well Trey, If you want to keep working in your spot I must tell you that I highly recommend against doing that.  You may begin to encounter some, how you might say, difficulties”

“Is that a threat?”

“It is not a threat at all.  I have told you your different options and it is up to you to make a choice.  Life is all about choices Trey.   Our meeting here is done.”

Lug slipped the canvas bag back over Trey’s head.  They got him to the car.  They drove him back to his own car near school.   Fudge spoke to Trey, “Think about what The King told you Trey.  And don’t tell anyone about the meeting.  If you go to the authorities, we will know about it.”

They took the bag off of Trey’s head and let him out of the car.  They drove off.

Trey just watched the car drive away as he contemplated his options.

 

(END OF BISCUIT POST)

Lemonade (Rough Draft) The Story Continues

The King surveyed his troops.  It was a ragtag force.  Kids and young men, nobody older than 16.

“Thank you all for coming.  I’m gonna spell it out for you guys real simple.  We have our stands okay?  Our stands is where we do our business.  You guys got that?”    The king spoke and looked around at his boys.   The boys in front of him nodded nervously.

“Right, we do our business at the stands.  The stand is where we sell.”  The king spoke.  He looked at his boys and tried to make eye contact with each one of them.  He wanted to let them know the importance of his words.

“Each stand will have a little and a big.  One little guy and one big guy.  One and one.  The little guy handles the lemonade and the big guy handles the goods.  We are gonna be sure these stands are made of wood.   And each stand will also have a bat beneath it, a wooden bat.  That is there for our protection.”

The King continued on, ” We are gonna have burner phones alright?  Just flip phones.  Do not give your phone number to anyone except people in our operation.”

“These are our burner phones and how we are gonna communicate.  You can text okay?  But, if this stuff is sensitive then DO NOT send the info with a text.  You can call me okay? You boys got that?  Make a phone call!”

The King spoke some more, ” What we do here is simple.  We have sugar and we have sugar.  We hide in plain sight.   You boys got it?”

Boys.  We are here to make money.  Okay?  The goal is to get the money.

But you kids need to know there will be risk.  If you think the police or your parents are suspicious and want to get your phone, then BREAK IT!  you got that?  Break the phone, we can’t have authorities get it.

Don’t be afraid to destroy the phone.  These phones are cheap.

 

(TO BE CONTINUED) DJ ROBO BISCUIT

Pattie Cake$ 2017 Movie Review

A unique and interesting girl version of “8 mile.”   There are definite similarities to 8 Mile (with Eminem) but the film is still unique and stands on its own.        It’s still a rap coming-of-age movie but with a girl as the main lead.

The film was entertaining all throughout.  The films has some twists and turns that will keep you guessing.   In some parts it is kind of formulaic but unless you are a complete movie snob then you won’t be bothered.        The lead girl definitely is the standout.   The supporting actors are also good.

The real joys in the film come from the rapping scenes because you are rooting for the main character so much  (similar to 8 Mile).

Also, I would say the film is very strong in the first hour with a lot happening and with the scenes moving quickly.

If you like movies that have music in them and you like coming-of-age movies then you’ll definitely like Pattie Cake$.

DJ ROBO BISCUIT gives it a 7 out of 10.

-End of Post

Right vs Left (Conservative vs Liberal)

Biscuit post, right vs left,  conservative vs liberal

The Right and Republicans and Conservatives:

Conservatism is a philosophy that promotes retaining traditional social institutions in the context of culture and civilization.

Central tenets include “tradition”   “hierarchy and authority”      more extreme seek a return to “the way things were.”     A general defense of social and economic inequality.       Having power threatened and trying to win it back.

“American conservatives consider individual liberty, within the bounds of conformity to American values, as the fundamental trait of democracy, which contrasts with modern American liberals, who generally place a greater value on equality and social justice”

Judeo-Christian Values

Moral Absolutism

Anti-Communism and the fight against Creeping Socialism

American Exceptionalism

Abortion,   The mixture of Reality with Religion.

The Left and Democrats and Liberals

Liberty and equality

such as freedom of speechfreedom of the pressfreedom of religionfree marketscivil rightsdemocratic societies, secular governments, gender equality and international cooperation

The Age of Enlightenment

No State Religion; No Absolute Monarchy; No Divine Right of Kings

representative democracy and the rule of law

public trial by jury

Gender equality and racial equality

Separation of Church and State

Should there be welfare?

What about things such as torture as well as cruel punishment or public punishment?

 

End of post, DJ ROBO BISCUIT