I Battle Josh and My Own Mind (Amateur)

I was playing Josh once again.

His backhand was working well.  He had a rock solid two-handed backhand.  He would step in and rotate well.  He also disguised his shot and I did not know if he would go down the line or go crosscourt.

On the changeover he was annoying.  “Hey man you are playing well. But not well enough.”  He smirked.

I said “You are hitting your backhand nicely.”

“What do you expect?  My backhand is a beast.  And I am a beast.”  Words of wisdom from Josh.  He truly was a master of humility.

I could not let Josh defeat me as he would post the victory to his Facebook wall.  This is not acceptable to me.   The public (a.k.a Josh’s 700 Facebook friends) must not know of my defeat at the hands of Josh.

 

Many people were walking by.  I think it was almost mixed doubles time.   There was a beautiful Indian woman passing by.   She was well endowed.   My concentration was lost.  I wondered if her husband was her mixed doubles partner.  Or perhaps it was a different man who was good at tennis.  And maybe they saw each other sometimes.  Maybe there was an affair.  Maybe she was split between her tennis life and her personal life.   Josh Ace’d me.  Damn.

“Let’s Go!”  Josh yelled out.

This is slipping away from me.  I must focus.

I plant my feet and drive the ball.   I hit to his forehand which is his weaker side and I get the unforced error from him.  “VAMOS!”  I yell.    Deep in my mind I hope the lovely Indian lady hears my voice.   Perhaps I could be the third man in her life.

I gotta keep my head in the game.  I can not let Josh defeat me.

(END OF ENTRY, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

P.S. Feel free to check out the “Noodle World” series on my blog (it is a satire with religion)

Amateur Diaries (Part 3)

I was battling my arch-rival Little Johnny.  Sometimes just called Lil’ Johnny.   Lil’ Johnny was not very tall.    He was a grown man but not much taller than a 12 year old boy.   Johnny the Little hit the ball very flat.   And because of his size it was a tricky play.  Since he was not very tall when he launched his flat ball it often did not look like it was going to go over the net however, Lil’ Johnny has been playing his style forever and he was incredibly good at making his low flat ball.

We were battling.

He had a break and I was serving at 1-3 in the first set.   I tossed up my ball and all I could think was “kick, kick, kick” (I really wanted to kick that serve).    Lame.   I hit it in the net. This can be a very frustrating game.

I was preparing to toss up the ball for my second serve.   Then a lovely lady walked by.   She had silky blonde hair and a muscular body.    I double faulted.

“Why do all of these beautiful women show up at my matches?”

She was thin and she was strong.  This girl was beautiful.

I heard her silky voice.  “Let’s go Johnny!”

I couldn’t believe it.  She was pulling for Little Johnny.    Damn.  Maybe he isn’t that little?

I walk back to grab a ball off the fence.   Did I leave the stove on?  Focus.  Focus on playing tennis.

I use topspin and kick my serve in.  Little Johnny steps up and hits it cross-court.  I go for the backhand down-the-line and I miss it wide.  Damn.

“Let’s go Johnny!  Good shot.” The Blonde hair beauty cheers.

Damn.  This is demoralizing.  I’m distracted now and Lil’ Johnny has this super hot chick pulling for him.  This is unbelievable.

My mind wandered to that one girl who liked me in Middle School.  But I kind of ignored her … ….   I wonder if she was super beautiful now?   If I had just stuck with her maybe she would be cheering for me right now.  Damn.  Life.

Lil’ Johnny continued to hit deceptive and tough flat balls.  I continued to be very distracted with my clusterFudge of a mind.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Amateur Diaries Part 2

It was another battle with Josh.   I really really did not want to lose my battle against Josh.  I was worried if I lost he would post on his Facebook wall that he defeated the “Young Buck” or something along those lines.

I AM NOT THE YOUNG BUCK!

But as the match progressed I was having a hard time staying focused.

I was lost in my thoughts.  “Did Ronald Reagan lose his mind?”  “Did The Press crucify Bill Clinton too much?”  “Is the Military-Industrial Complex a real thing?”   “Will I ever find true love?”

I am missing balls in the net.    ZING! ZANG! WHOMP!    “Ace!” Josh yells out in his annoying voice.

I gotta keep it together.

I see a chipmunk find a nut next to the court.  I am completely lost in contemplation.  I wonder if that chipmunk has a family.   Do they love each other the same as us humans?

“Ace!” Josh yells out.

Damn.  I am getting spanked.

A beautiful lady walks by.  I lose it.   There are just too many distractions.  “Is that a single lady?” “Will she by my wife?”

Why do women always wear their sexy clothes to work out in?

“ACE!”  Josh’s serve flies past my racquet.

Man, this is just like that movie, Wimbledon, everything is happening kind of cheesy and I don’t even get to sleep with Kirsten Dunst!   Damn.   I really do not want Josh to post on Facebook about defeating me.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Beauty Beyond Bones (The Biscuit)

(Dedicated to Beauty Beyond Bones; Sunglasses Girl)

I woke up this morning and I was feeling #blessed

I looked out my window and I just could not help but think “Wow God is so good.”

I arose out of my bed which was so comfy and soft.  I placed my happy feet on the ground and made sure to adjust my undergarments to keep everything covered up.  Gotta keep my pig in the blanket if you know what I mean #DecentExposure #DoItForTheLord

I looked in my mirror and I was happy with my reflection.  “Man I look good.   And Thank you God for blessing me with my beauty.”  #GiveItUpToGod #GodIsGood #ClearlyNotJustGenetics

I was checking my e-mails.  I saw that Harvard sent me an e-mail in response to my job application.   “This is so good God thank you.” (that was my thought)     I read the e-mail.  I did not get the job.   I began to think, “Maybe I am not good enough?   Do I suck?  Will anybody ever hire me?”    But then I remembered, “Wait a second.  This is just part of God’s plan.   Thank you to the Lord.”    Just feeling #Blessed for my smart realizations

I walked into my local Barnes&Noble. #GodIsGood     As I walked over to the inner Starbucks I was feeling #blessed for all of the cold hard cash I had in my wallet.  Ready to spend some of that green on my favorite charity: myself.   Don’t worry God I’ll be putting the change in the tip jar.  #Giving #Blessed         I got myself a nice pumpkin spice latte and was super excited to take a photo of it and then slam it onto all of my social media and just explode the internet.  #JustWhatTheLordWanted #DoingGodsWork

I picked up a copy of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” because I enjoy reading #BlessedForMyOwnLiteracy and I knew that Frederick Nichey McNietzche was a good author but as I began reading the book I was totally feeling NOT #Blessed … …. I read the words “God is Dead” and I just knew that this book was the work of the Devil and the Dark Lord himself must have possessed the crazed Nietzsche to write such a vile abomination.   Luckily, I had my tiny cross around my neck and I grabbed it.  It gave me comfort.   Was once again feeling #blessed and #Safe with my faith to give me strength

As I got back home for my super comfy nap time I just couldn’t stop feeling so #blessed for being a good looking person and being able to take naps after chilling at Barnes&Noble

#KeepItUpGod #StayFresh #Fluffy

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Lemonade Time (Continued)

“So what do you guys think?”

“Will you pay us?”   The big one asked.

“Oh Yes of course.”  The King said.

“We will always be paid?”  The less big one asked.

“Yes Yes you will always get paid.”  Said the King.

The King continued you on speaking.  “Yes you two will be getting paid.  I need some guys who have some muscle to work for me.   I predict that I am going to start gaining a little bit more profile and get a little bit more popular.   I will need some guys that I know who can step in and help me out when things get, how could I say, um ‘dicey.’ ”

“What do you mean?”   The big one asked.

“I think with the clients that I will have, there will be a need for protection.   Sometimes things will get heated and I am going to need to know that I will be safe.    Do you understand Fudge?”  The King asked.

“Yes sir.” Fudge said.

“What about you Lug?”  The King asked the smaller guy.

“Yes sir.  I understand.”  Lug responded.

The King seemed pleased.   “Very good boys.  I will organize the schedule so you two will know when I need protection.  I think it will be a little bit slow at first.   Also, when you two address me, I would like it to be ‘sir’ or ‘boss’ or ‘boss-man’     Do you guys got it?”

Fudge looked at him.   “Yes sir Boss Man we got it.”

(End of Entry, Lemonade, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Lemons (Part 2) King Knowledge

“Thank you for meeting with me today Dr. Jenkins.”

“Oh Johnny it is no problem.”  Dr Jenkins said.  “So what did you have questions about?”

“Well Doctor I want to pick your brain.  How does somebody make money?”  The King asked.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Well I know you went to college.  And I figure you know about things like that.”

“People they get jobs.”

“I’m only 15 sir.”

“You could mow lawns.”

“That is small money sir.”

“Well one thing you could do is start out mowing lawns.  And then build up your customer relationships.   And then what you could do is have your friends mow the lawns for you and pay them for doing it.   Then you would have yourself a lawn mowing business.”

“How much do you think I could make with something like that?”

“Well one of the main benefits is that you could make the money without having to do the work.   The money would come into you and you would just be managing the business.”

“But how much could I make?”

“It is hard to say exactly.  You have to have lawn mowing equipment.  You have to make sure your employees show up for work.  You will have to get paid somehow so you can choose if your employees will collect the money for you or if the customers will come and pay you.”

“If I had my guys take the money there is a good chance they would not give me all of it.”

“Yes that is correct.  Especially if you are dealing with high school kids who really want some money.”

“So do you think it is good to be an Entrepreneur?”

“Well it can be risky.”  Said Dr Jenkins.  “You can control your destiny but you have liability for what you do.  If your employees do a bad job, then your customers will be upset and then they will be upset with you.   And if that happens then you can develop a reputation for not doing good work.    In the business world, your reputation is very important.”

“Do I have an alternative?”  Asked Johnny.

“Well, you can wait until you are 16.  And you can work in some kind of restaurant and earn about seven dollars per hour.    So, in four hours of work you would earn about twenty-five dollars because of taxation as well.”

“I think there must be a better way.”  Said Johnny.  “Do you have any more ideas?”

Dr Jenkins looked at King for a little while.  “Let’s walk outside for a second.”

They walked outside onto the sidewalk.

“Alright Johnny you didn’t hear this advice from me, okay?”

“Yes sir.”

“Okay.” Said Dr Jenkins.   Then he continued:  “The key I think is to exploit your customers.  Try to think about the concept of Supply and Demand.  Perhaps your market could be kids who are twelve and thirteen or maybe these kids are 15 and 16.  All of them want things.  They want things of different kinds and different forms.  If you catch my drift.  If you became the source from which all of these kids got their things, I think you could earn a large amount of money.  There will be an element of sneakiness.   And there could be parts that will not work right.   And something that earns a lot of money may not be ethical.   A boy like yourself needs to be creative as well.   So here is my main advice Johnny.   Think about what it is that your customers want and then be the guy who supplies it.  And then, as you increase your profits … then you can grow your business and get bigger.”

Johnny looked at Dr Jenkins.  He was very focused.

“That is my advice Johnny.”

“Thank you Dr Jenkins.  That is very helpful advice.”

 

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

On Grassroots Tennis PART 2

A coach who is willing to spread the game of tennis must also be willing to put down a little money.

BE the mobile tennis center.   Where you go, Tennis can happen!

Also, when you find a skilled player don’t let a lack of racquet stop them.   Let them use your racquet or have a couple of extra racquets (that are nice) and give them away.  That is a show of good faith (or goodwill) and that helps to build a bond.   Also, people who are not experienced, they think “a racquet is a racquet”   They are not concerned with Babolat vs Prince vs Head vs Wilson or even the concept of the “Player’s Racquet”

Allowing a player to use a nice racquet is something they will appreciate because they will be able to tell the racquet is designed for hitting balls.   Don’t let potential players wallow in the graveyard of bad equipment.

AND you must be an AMBASSADOR TO THE GAME!

Another way to help spread the game is to make sure you have some competition and play your matches on public courts.   If you have a good opponent and you will have a tough match you should play out in the open so people can watch; many people have not seen a competitive tennis match up close and in person.  If you can run and hit topspin then maybe they think you are a Professional (and you are!  A teaching Pro!   And you have the secrets to the game!   You are the one who can bring tennis into their life and into their community)


 

If you are training an apprentice and/or a Protege.  They need to have something to train for!   Give them a goal or maybe it is just to defeat you!    It will help them greatly if there are local tournaments and/or USTA junior tournaments for them to play in.   That way you can help them with forehands and backhands and serves and say something like “okay so in 3 weeks from now we are going to have you play in a tournament”  “stay focused because these kids will be able to hit balls and run and it is NOT going to be easy”

Getting your student/protege thinking about the tournament will help keep their mind “locked in” and thinking about tennis and winning matches and keeping the balls in play

(End of Entry)

(Spread the Game of Tennis) (in the picture is Rick Macci with Venus and Serena)