POOTie Tang

Pootie Tang was a Blaxploitation film made by Louis CK. It features “Jive talk” and thick accents.  It is a comedy with mostly black people.  Tang fights with his belt.   Some might find it funny and some might find it offensive.  It was not a very successful film by Louis CK.  Here is a clip:

 

Thank you Louis CK. and Thank you Chris Rock.

(DJ ROBO BISCUIT, stay fluffy)

 

Jared Donaldson (American Young Gun)

He is from Newport Rhode Island.

He trains with Taylor and Phil Dent.

He has a big forehand.   And he spent time developing his game in Argentina!

Here you can check out some of his other matches, even one when he was a freshman:

 

Here is against Monfils:

 

Here is a young Donaldson:

 

Plenty of Jared Donaldson!    His reputation has no doubt risen up.

(DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

Tennis, Yoga Pants, Endowments

I was worried.  I did not want Lululemon to make an appearance.  My feeble man-brain and crotch can only handle so much estrogen nearby.  The last time that a beautiful Yoga Pants girl ran by it completely derailed me.

I was battling my rival Josh.  Today, he walked with swagger.  He was feeling extra confident.  His face carried a smugness that I just wanted to punch.  Punch HARD!

I was preparing to toss my ball in order to hit a beautiful kick (topspin) serve.  But in the corner of my eye, the devil had sent one of his minions.  There she was.  She was sweaty.  But the sweat was like dots of ambrosia (the nectar of the Gods).   Just wearing a sports bra and form-fitting yoga pants.  I think I was in love.   She did not look that different from my old flame, LuluLemon (I have to call her LuluLemon because I do not know her name).

I lost the game.  My mind was totally on new Yoga Pants girl.

As me and Josh changed sides he was blabbering about how he had added Pinterest to his collection of Social Media.   (In my mind:  Nobody cares Josh.)   He mentioned something about “pinning” a tennis racquet to his board or whatever after he defeated me.

I really wanted to defeat Josh.   But I also wanted to make sweet love to these yoga pants girls.

Tennis is hard.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

#GirlBoss (NastyGal) Review

I enjoyed reading this book.  It was interesting and the book sucks you in.

The story is about the Rise of Sophia Amoruso.  She is the Founder of NastyGal.

Her book is quite interesting.  She discusses growing up and being somewhat of an outcast and a rebel.   She really had a hard time in school.   Is it because she is a genius?   Probably not.   She seemed to be just more of an undisciplined kid.   However, she did face some various hardships and she had lots of encounters with authority/teachers.

One nice thing is that she really appreciated her time with one of her high school history teachers.  He was kind of a hippie and she really enjoyed talking to him and riffing about life.

She had various jobs like Subway worker (Sandwich artist).   And at one point she was a hitchhiker.

I don’t want to give away the whole story of the book.   Her story is interesting and kind of inspiring.

As one of her employees at NastyGal said “Sophia is the original BadAss Bitch.”  (I think I quoted that correctly)

If you enjoy reading about entrepreneurship and a little about fashion and just reading about interesting people then this book is an “easy read” and entertaining.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT, Stay Fluffy)

I Battle Josh and My Own Mind (Amateur)

I was playing Josh once again.

His backhand was working well.  He had a rock solid two-handed backhand.  He would step in and rotate well.  He also disguised his shot and I did not know if he would go down the line or go crosscourt.

On the changeover he was annoying.  “Hey man you are playing well. But not well enough.”  He smirked.

I said “You are hitting your backhand nicely.”

“What do you expect?  My backhand is a beast.  And I am a beast.”  Words of wisdom from Josh.  He truly was a master of humility.

I could not let Josh defeat me as he would post the victory to his Facebook wall.  This is not acceptable to me.   The public (a.k.a Josh’s 700 Facebook friends) must not know of my defeat at the hands of Josh.

 

Many people were walking by.  I think it was almost mixed doubles time.   There was a beautiful Indian woman passing by.   She was well endowed.   My concentration was lost.  I wondered if her husband was her mixed doubles partner.  Or perhaps it was a different man who was good at tennis.  And maybe they saw each other sometimes.  Maybe there was an affair.  Maybe she was split between her tennis life and her personal life.   Josh Ace’d me.  Damn.

“Let’s Go!”  Josh yelled out.

This is slipping away from me.  I must focus.

I plant my feet and drive the ball.   I hit to his forehand which is his weaker side and I get the unforced error from him.  “VAMOS!”  I yell.    Deep in my mind I hope the lovely Indian lady hears my voice.   Perhaps I could be the third man in her life.

I gotta keep my head in the game.  I can not let Josh defeat me.

(END OF ENTRY, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)

P.S. Feel free to check out the “Noodle World” series on my blog (it is a satire with religion)

Amateur Diaries (Part 3)

I was battling my arch-rival Little Johnny.  Sometimes just called Lil’ Johnny.   Lil’ Johnny was not very tall.    He was a grown man but not much taller than a 12 year old boy.   Johnny the Little hit the ball very flat.   And because of his size it was a tricky play.  Since he was not very tall when he launched his flat ball it often did not look like it was going to go over the net however, Lil’ Johnny has been playing his style forever and he was incredibly good at making his low flat ball.

We were battling.

He had a break and I was serving at 1-3 in the first set.   I tossed up my ball and all I could think was “kick, kick, kick” (I really wanted to kick that serve).    Lame.   I hit it in the net. This can be a very frustrating game.

I was preparing to toss up the ball for my second serve.   Then a lovely lady walked by.   She had silky blonde hair and a muscular body.    I double faulted.

“Why do all of these beautiful women show up at my matches?”

She was thin and she was strong.  This girl was beautiful.

I heard her silky voice.  “Let’s go Johnny!”

I couldn’t believe it.  She was pulling for Little Johnny.    Damn.  Maybe he isn’t that little?

I walk back to grab a ball off the fence.   Did I leave the stove on?  Focus.  Focus on playing tennis.

I use topspin and kick my serve in.  Little Johnny steps up and hits it cross-court.  I go for the backhand down-the-line and I miss it wide.  Damn.

“Let’s go Johnny!  Good shot.” The Blonde hair beauty cheers.

Damn.  This is demoralizing.  I’m distracted now and Lil’ Johnny has this super hot chick pulling for him.  This is unbelievable.

My mind wandered to that one girl who liked me in Middle School.  But I kind of ignored her … ….   I wonder if she was super beautiful now?   If I had just stuck with her maybe she would be cheering for me right now.  Damn.  Life.

Lil’ Johnny continued to hit deceptive and tough flat balls.  I continued to be very distracted with my clusterFudge of a mind.

(End of Entry, DJ ROBO BISCUIT)