The Connected Countries of Western Pangea (A North American Satire)

“In recent news, an innocent man was shot dead.”  The newswoman was talking.  She was a pretty girl, with blond hair and blue eyes (obviously born and groomed to read the news on television).  “The 26 year old man, Michael Johnson, was shot and killed by a 55 year old Timothy Flanders.   The car of Timothy Flanders slid off the road due to ice, as Johnson parked his car and tried to come to Flanders’ aid … Flanders emerged from his car behaving in a belligerent way and fired his automatic pistol into Johnson.   While Johnson was on the ground, Flanders fired 3 more times, killing Johnson.    Flanders then got back into his car.   The Police and SWAT team came to arrest him; he resisted arrest.”  The blond girl looked into the camera, only slightly phased by the story.  “A tragic story indeed.   In recent news, a local bakery produced the world’s biggest cookie … … ”

Over in Eastern Pangea, 26 year old Graduate Students laughed at the stupidity of the people of Western Pangea.    “Can you believe this?”  “It is totally crazy over there.” “This is what happens when anybody can get a gun.”  The Eastern Pangea students laughed and laughed and drank some tea.

In Western Pangea, The supporters of guns were preparing their comeback.

White Leadership candidate #1:  The people of this great nation MUST have guns!  Without them we will be victims of terror!

White Leadership candidate #2: As human beings it is our God-given right to have access to guns!  I have faith that the people of Western Pangea will do the right thing and support our civil liberties!

White Leadership candidate #3:  It is a tragedy for that young man to lose his life, HOWEVER, it can not be calculated how many lives guns have SAVED as a result of the people of this GREAT nation having access to guns.   And once I am elected as your White Leader, I will ensure the supply of guns flows easily to the people!  So we may guarantee our safety on Domestic Soil!   God Bless Western Pangea!

“That’s our man right there,” spoke Bob Smith.   Bob Smith and Alan Ryan sat in high-backed chairs in their local Golf-and-Swim Club.  “White Leadership Candidate #3, I think he has our best interests at heart.”

Alan Ryan spoke up.  “It looks like this is the kind of man that the Western Pangea Gun Association can throw its vast resources behind.”

“All of these damn liberals are going to get up in arms about this young man’s death.  We are going to have to double down and make sure the people of Western Pangea know of the constant danger they are in.”  Bob Smith looked confident.

Members of the WPGA prepared to make numerous appearances on POX News and educate the people of Western Pangea about the Absolute Need for widespread access to guns.  Also, they made sure to prepare arguments in regards to the “Paper of Rights” and the necessary Freedom of the people to own guns.

Meanwhile, the Parents of Michael Johnson mourned the senseless death of their only son.

— January 25th, 2015 ; Dr. DJ Robo Biscuit

 

 

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DJRoboBiscuit

Expert on Life (Movies, Books, Television, Gaming, Tennis). Aspiring Novelist and Philosopher. Big Fan of Satire and Parody.